The IDIOTs
by Familiar47
Summary: When the Irken Race is in danger, they called on Lok. The problem...he isn't exactly hero material. He's in debt, threatened wit hthe biggest ass beating of his life, and is the Tallests' unofficial attack dog. Sucks to be Lok. OCs galore!
1. Chapter 1

The I.D.I.

Irken Defective Infiltration Or Termination

_Invader Lok is a defective, he was outcast from the empire many centuries ago...at least that's the official story. Defective he might be, but he s too useful to simply destroy, so the Tallest make better use of him: by sending him on suicide missions in the name of the empire. When Lok is given his latest assignment, he must travel to places unheard of to stop a plot from within the empire itself. His investigation leads him to Earth where he encounters the infamous Zim, and a handful of familiar and equally hated faces._

_Facts to know_

_IDIOT is sponsored in secret by the Tallest, mostly by Purple who sees the use in using covert defective Irkens who cannot be traced back to the empire. Any and all members of IDIOT are given forged IDs to they may pursue their assignments without being stopped by friendly forces. IDIOTs are entitled to one ship with a crew of two Irkens, defective or non-defective. Disclosing their status to their crew is optional._

_Even if confirmed as defective by public, an IDIOT may not be executed._

_The fact of the matter is...the Irken gods really favour IDIOTs._

Xxx

DOWDOW!

The Rinchian cried out as a pair of laser bolts struck her between the shoulder blades. She fell, her laser pistol sliding out of her grip and stopping at the feet of a Rinchian child that stared at the shooter with wide, frightened eyes, holding a stuffed Vortian Doll. Rinchians were fragile at birth, and even more so until they hit puberty. Some got enhancements to boost their physical performances, such as the soldier that the sniper had just dispatched.

Several other Rinchian rebels lay scattered in the square, along with the bodies of several Irken soldiers. The squadron had been caught unaware by the raiding group, which had been aiming to hijack their ship, which was hovering right over the market with a gravity beam giving clear access-as usual somebody forgot to put a squad leader in charge of them who had an IQ higher than two digits.

The shooter paused for a moment as his pistol came to rest on the child. The Irken tilted his head, one magenta eye narrowing a bit. Most Irkens would shoot it just for the hell of it...

But instead when he pulled the trigger it flew right over the shoulder of the frightened alien child and blew through the heart of the last Rinchian Rebel, who had come out of an alley way with a blaster rifle in hand. The child shook, tears pouring down his face as he stared at the Irken before him.

The Irken was of average height, standing just under five feet, and his skin was a darker shade of green that clashed with his bright magenta eyes. His antennae had a thick base that thinned out until they began to bend a bit, angling slightly more downwards than the average Irken's antennae, thickening into a curve before thinning out until they ended in a set of scythe shapes.

He wore a full body suit that consisted of dark shades of colour. A dark purple X shape formed over his upper body, being the only colour besides black and grey on the combat suit. His boots were knee high and each had a sheath for a knife attached to them. His pants were pitch black, but the shirt-long sleeved and turtle necked was one half black, one half gray. His gloves had thin metallic plates in them for extra force in his punches. He wore a dark green poncho over his suit as a modest form of camouflage.

"Count yourself lucky today kiddo," The Irken said, taking out a lollipop and popping it into his mouth. Sucking on the cherry flavoured snack, the Irken continued. "I don't have the heart in me to shoot down a bed wetter."

The boy bowed his head in shame ,looking at his soiled trousers.

The Irken chuckled. "Kids these days." He turned, sliding his blaster pistol-which was a rather small pistol, equivalent to a pocket sized pistol into a holster under his right arm.

As the Irken began to leave, several Irken soldiers rushed into the plaza and stopped as they saw the bodies.

"Aw man, the fighting is over?" One whined.

"You!" The Squad Leader pointed at the Magenta Eyed Irken. "What happened?"

The Magenta Irken paused, feigning the act of trying to think. "Well officer, it looks like there was one hell of a fire fight in Renza Market. Bunch of your boys were on patrol and got hit by the Rinchian Bandits." He shrugged. "If somebody was dumb enough to send one patrol here after a week of Rinchian raids they might as well have had it coming though."

"These are Irken lives that were lost!" One soldier snapped. "Show respect you drone!"

The Magenta Eyed Irken paused in mid step, and slowly turned. "You do not want to say that again, short stuff."

The soldier hissed, burning with fury at this insolent drone of whatever the dookie he was! He snapped his rifle up, and the Irken moved, lurching to avoid it. The soldier smirked and adjusted his aim to compensate, squeezing the trigger and letting off three shots. But by then the Magenta Eyed Irken had moved once more...in the opposite direction, having feigned his evasion and drawing the soldier's fire off of him for the two seconds he needed to take up his pocket pistol, raise it, and fire a single laser through the soldier's chest and out the back of his PAK.

The soldier fell without a sound, dead. The rest of the squad-which had spread out to investigate the bodies spun, snapping their own weapons up. The Magenta eyed Irken raised is hands over hsi head.

"Whoa now fellas, it was self defence!"

"You murdered an Irken soldier! That is punishable by death no matter what the justification is!" The Squad Leader growled.

"Oh, but I do have my 'Get out of Execution' free pass." The Irken slowly set his gun down on the ground and reached under his poncho. He produced an I.D screen.

The Squad Leader snatched it out of his hand and read over it as three of his underlings surrounded the killer.

**Irken 924042480243-ZZY66 Generation 7823445, Batch Pod 84**

**Identification: Lok**

**Employment: Classified**

**Height: 4'8**

**Security Access Level: Control 7 Code Access**

**(Reference: Control 7 refers to the authority of the Control Brains, being advisors to the Tallests and maintainers of Irken society. Irkens with this level are given the political immunity and rights of travel a Control Brain possesses in the event of wishing a transfer.)**

**Status: Classified Knowledge, but he is to be given courtesy treatment of an officer of his height.**

Setting aside the I.D Screen and choosing to forget about everything that came after Status, he sighed. "Diplomatic immunity at Control 7 Code boys, let him go."

The soldiers lowered their rifles.

"You're free to go then, sorry for the trouble," The Squad Leader handed the I.D Screen back to the Magenta Eyed Irken. "Irken Lok."

Lok smiled smoothly. "Oh it's quite alright Sergeant, you were doing as your job told you to do." He pocketed the I.D Screen. "Now if you'll excuse me sir, I have a job to do." Lok left the market.

"Uh...sarge?" An Irken examining the corpses of the Rinchian bandits spoke up. "These blast wounds...they aren't from an assault blaster or any combat laser...they were from something smaller, like a pocket gun or something."

"Who the hell would use..." The Sergeant looked at his dead subordinate...who had a small hole in his chest like the Rinchians did. "A tiny little..." He glanced in the direction Lok had gone. "Pocket Gun..."

The Irken squadron stood there for several more moments before they continued their work.

Xxx

Lok returned to the Space Port and entered the hangar where his cruiser lay. The Cruiser was an average size, used for housing an Invader and his support crew. He stood in the Decontamination Chamber, stripped to his underwear-he knew it was a bad day to wear the ones with the PAKs on them.

"Decontamination completed," A male voice chuckled. "And nice undies, Captain."

"Oh shut up." Lok got into his clothes and left the chamber, coming out into a room where a green eyed Irken was manning the controls. "So did you break anything while was gone Loe?"

"Oh you insult me, I'm the one who fixes everything that Kay breaks." Loe, who was shorter than Lok by five inches replied. "Speaking of she broke your Waffle Iron, so I locked her in her room."

Lok sighed. "Well, no waffles for Lokkie tonight then."

"On the bright side, the ship is operating smoothly and we'll be able to contact the Tallest in just a few minutes." Loe smiled. "So you might want to get to your quarters, they might be calling as we speak if the work I did on the Communications Array improved our performance even more."

"Oh, gee, now I get to talk to the Almighty Whiniest more often." Lok glared at his System's Operator. "Get Kay back to the helm, I on't trust letting Larry plot this rig."

"I take offense to that." A computerized version of an Irken voice said over the intercom. "I have successfully piloted 93342 flights."

"And AIs your age pilots at least a million successful flights instead of crashing nine out of ten of them in some vain attempt to commit suicide." Lok pointed out as he left the Decontamination Chamber. "Kay at least keeps us in one piece, so she drives when I'm not driving."

Larry the AI sighed. "Aw fine, jerk face. Her door is unlocked now."

Just as Lok reached the door to his quarters he heard a high pitched wail and was tackled by a pink blur.

"LOK! OHMYGOSHLARRYWASBEINGMEANTOME!" Kay, a tiny pink eyed Irken who had the best piloting skills Lok had ever seen wailed as she buried her face into his chest. "He wouldn't let me leave my room! I was so bored!"

Lok sighed and patted her on the back. "Kay, want to fly the ship soem more?"

"WOO HOO!" Kay suddenly released him and proper herself up on her spider Legs. "Can I fly us through a sun again?"

"Uh...that makes t hard for my calls to go through, can't you just bounce us off a Hyper Nova or two again?" Lok asked nervously.

"Aw..." Kay slumped. "Fine." She moved off towards the bridge.

Lok sighed in relief and entered his room. Tossing aside the ragged poncho, he walked to the center of the circular room and stood on a red circle. "Hunter Lok, opening roadcast to Tallest Red and Tallest Purple."

"Voice access denied." Larry said dryly.

Lok sighed. "Larry, we've been over this, stop messing with my Audio I.D scanners."

"I didn't, but Loe did." Larry pointed out.

"...just patch me through to the Massive for the love of Irk." Lok growled, clawed hands curling into fists as he shook with a burning rage.

"Transmission broadcasting." Larry yawned.

Tallest Red and Tallest Purple appeared as holographic images before Lok, tinged blue and bathing the dimly lt room in their glow. Red yawned. "Yeah, yeah, go ahead, what is it?"

"Hunter Lok reporting, my Tallest." Lok said. "The Rinchian Raid on the Frigate that stopped for repairs above the Renza Market on Tolra III has been stopped and the rebels suffered one hundred percent casualties."

"Ah, excellent," Red said. "So that means you have time for this next little case we have set aside, just for you, our favourite Hunter."

Lok stared at Red for several moments. "I'm your ONLY Hunter."

"Don't make me order Larry to toss you out the air lock."

"Odds are he'll accidently toss Loe or Kay...so good point."

"Anyways," Red cleared his throat. "The mission!"

"It's important, it's worth all the snacks on our ship!" Purple proclaimed.

"I told you, no more cake shopping, we settled that in my contract."

"Aw..." Both Tallest slumped.

"Fine then, just take this job then," Red scowled as he transferred the data to Lok. "Recently ,several chief scientists, both Irken and conquered have been vanishing all over the galaxy, collected by groups of what look like Elite Irken Guards. There was also a break in at the Smeet Production Facility, and several strands of DNA and data files containing the basic information how on the process of Smeet Creation works was stolen. This has led us to believe that there is somebody out there using our cloning technology for their own purposes! And they might be using our superior Irken DNA to do it!"

"Yeah! That's our DNA damn it!" Purple yelled through a mouth filled with pop corn. "Where do those lazy free loaders get off stealing our stuff?"

"So you are to follow our only lead on this heinous crime against Irken kind." Red stated. "We have managed to track one group of these soldiers to a planet far beyond explored space in this galaxy. It is a horrific place with tall yet extremely stupid aliens who eat wet meat and bathe in acid!"

Lok gulped.

"It i is where we have banished our most hated members of the species." Red continued. "You shall go to...the planet known as..." He paused. "What was it again?"

"Earth." Purple said plainly.

"EARTH!" Red shouted.

"...that sounds like Planet 'Dirt'." Lok stated. "But then again we already have one called that so..."

"Indeed! We have banished Zim there as punishment for his crimes. He thinks he is assigned to invade the planet, but we're waiting for him to stop returning our calls. We want you to go to Earth and investigate for signs of new Irken technology or the presence of off world factions." Purple declared. "Oh, and if you grab any Klondike bars then remember to bring me one back, Zim said all of the humans love it! They'd do ANYTHING to get one!"

"Uh...yes My Tallest," Lok bowed his head. "I shall not fail."

"Good! Your payment for the job you just finished has been received, and you'll get the one for your current job afterwards." Red nodded. "Tallest Red and Purple out- hey, somebody's making donuts!"

The two Tallest cheered ,waving their arms around like children as they ran off screen.

Lok stared at the screen as he heard the sound of munching. "These are the great leaders of my society...I give us til next month if they break the Massive."

"We heard that! Don't push your luck!" Red shouted. "Nomnomnomnom! Move it now!"

As the images vanished, Lok sighed. "I hate my life so much right now."

But a few seconds later the image of Tallest Purple, looking like he was trying to secretly nibble on his donut appeared. "Uh...one last thing I need to tell you." He looked around, becoming serious. "I have a reason to believe that this was an inside job, defective irken with training and resources. I couldn't trust ANYBODY with this aside from you since...well you'll do anything for all the money and al...and they also stole my teddy."

"Teddy?" Lok raised one eye brow.

"I WAS GONNA GIVE HIM A NEW EYE!" Purple wailed, but composed himself a second later. "Track them down, and get me my teddy back!...oh, yeah and eliminate them for attempting to defile our superior DNA...and again, grab me a Klondike bar, those things sound good!...and if you kill Zim I'll pay you extra."

"Do I have to go near him? I hear he has a habit of making IQs drop by proximity." Lok groaned.

"Ah you don't have to, it's optional." Purple said. "Here's your list, Tallest Purple out!"

As Purple vanished, Lok looked at a list of names.

"Ok...Zm, Skoodge, Skullene, Grimrair, Hellion, Envon, Paneece, Fey, Tak, Tenn-heh, never saw that coming..." Lok paused. "Ok...these are all the Irkens the tallest personally don't like...Larry, disregard this list from my tactical data."

"Whatever you say boss," Larry said. "...does the Tallest really have a teddy?"

"Heh, better than that moose phase he was on a decade ago." Lok shrugged.

"Oh, and while we're standing here like tools...your business partner has been banging on the bay door all morning since you got back." Larry added.

"You mean-you mean?" Lok stuttered.

"Yep...Skloo." Larry replied.

Xxx

"LOK! OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR! I'LL RIP YOUR ANTENNAE OFF AND SHOVE THE MSO FAR DOWN YOUR SQUEEDLYSPLOOCH YOU'LL EXPLODE!" A rather angry, red eyed, and fat Irken growled as he banged on the side of the Cruiser, accompanied by several guards.

"Uh...you know you could have just hit the door bell, right? The hull makes it impossible to even hear your fat, bloated hooves for hands." The seven Irkens turned and saw Lok, Loe, and Kay coming down a ramp that extended out of the Cruiser.

"You owe me five million monies Lok! FIVE MILLION!" Skloo roared.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm well aware of my debt to you, but give me a break. I had to par kin the Massive of all the places and they have the best scanners in the universe! They'd have picked up that illegal sugar in seconds." Lok said. "As much as I love doing business with you Skloo, I won't risk my neck, even for you."

"Pay me back Lok, or I'll make sure that where ever you go, there'll be a muscle man around the next corner ready to pop your eyes out with their bare hands." Skloo growled.

"Relax Skloo," Lok said gently. "I just got myself a nice little job, and when I'm done I'll be able to pay you back, plus a little extra to show there's no hard feelings. I just need a couple more solar cycles."

Skloo paused. "Well when you put it that way Lok, I guess I can find the strength to be a bt more patent."

"Say...extra twenty percent if you keep your boys away from me until I'm done?" Lok asked.

"Fine. But know this, if I don't have that money in five solar Cycles, there'll be a price so high on your head that you won't even be able to hide on FoodCourtia in the middle of a foodening!" Skloo threatened.

"Skloo, you are a wonderful man of business and can appreciate your position. As soon as my ship is ready I'll take off and get the job done and have that money back to you in three solar cycles." Lok said.

Skloo grunted. "Let's go." He began to walk away. "And just so you know Lok, of all the bounty hunters on my list to come after you, one Invader Dest will be at the top of it."

Lok felt his emotional barrier crack a bit as he heard the infamous name of legend. "I see..."

"n fact he's standing right behind you."

Lok spun around ,as did Loe and Kay and they came face to face with a tall Irken clad in black from head to toe, staring at them through a red visor that hid his eyes.

"Whoa!" Kay said, and after a few seconds pointed at Dest. "How'd you do that?"

"He doesn't talk too much." Skloo added.

Dest looked at the three Irkens before him. He then put one hand on his helmet and tapped a switch. Suddenly they heard a filtered voice. "Nothing personal, all good business, like you said."

Lok nodded, resisting the urge to do what any reasonable Irken who did not outnumber his enemy should do: Run away and scream for their Cold Unfeeling Robot Arm. "Right then, as long as I make good on my word we won't have any trouble Mr Dest. An honour to meet you by the way."

Dest walked by them without a word.

Loe looked at Lok. "You just about wet yourself, didn't you?"

"Yes I did." Lok said in the same cheery voice. As Skloo, now feeling smug left the bay with his now laughing cohorts and Dest, Lok shuddered. "If I don't get that money I'll be wishing I remained with Sizz-Lor back on FoodCourtia!"

"Wait," Kay looked up. "You were a food drone?"

"Yeah, up until Tallest Purple saw me kill a Vortian with my bare hands...which I used to rp the guy's horns off and gouge his eyes out." Lok coughed. "But Dest is way worse than I could ever be, we have to get paid and fast!"

"Well let's get going ,the ship will be fuelled in a few seconds." Loe said urgently. "If they go after you, they'll go after me for sure! And I like me! I like me being me which means me has to be alive so me can be me, which is a good thing because again, I like me."

Kay made a confused face. "Huh? Who? Moosey?"

"Precisely!" Lok said. "And just like how Loe is a coward, I like to lean towards the option of a tactical retreat...ninety percent of the time, the other ten percent being now when I have to bargain with my enemy."

"So you mean run and hide?" asked Kay.

"Precisely!" Lok said with a smile. "See Kay, you're learning a new thing everyday."

"I already knew you were a coward though," Kay tilted her head in confusion.

"Maybe she learns _too _fast." Loe muttered.

"Indeed." Lok grumbled as the trio of defectives climbed into the Cruiser, the _Para-Hunter_.

Xxx

Meanwhile, many light years away...

"And that, my fellow Swollen Eye Balls is proof enough that not only is Zm an alien, but he is responsible for the mutant alien babies being made in England." Dib finished his speech.

"Hm...well unlike your 'Zim Rants' this one has some physical evidence to back it up." Agent Dark Booty noted.

"It still seems incredibly unlikely." Agent Decapitated Head grumbled as he looked over the notes.

"Now now, Agent Decapitated Head," Agent Tuna Ghost spoke up. "I know Agent Mothman's rants can be annoying, but when you bring in credible proof, we have to investigate it. And besides, you thought ghost tuna were unlikely and...oh right," She smirked and tapped her name tag. "Yo."

"Mothman, we'll dispatch a specialist from our Scottish Branch, this is one of our best field operatives and should be able to successfully ascertain the existence of these 'Mutant Aliens.'" Dark Booty said. "And the best part is that they've never heard of you, so you can rest assured they won't just drop it and say they tried like Agent Raw Head tried to do with that nest of Vampire Weasels in Texas ."

"What happened to Agent Raw Head after that anyways?" Dib asked.

"Oh we took care of him," Agent Dark Booty's eyes narrowed. "Yes we did...yes we did."

Dib was left staring at the half dozen Eye Ball members who were sitting before him. He coughed awkwardly and picked up his case. "Uh...if you don't mind I'd like to schedule a flight to England for myself also. I've worked in the field since I joined and before then so..." Upon seeing he was losing their interest again he made up something off the top of his head...his very VERY big head. "Oh, and if we run into trouble my...uh...enormous head can distract anybody who catches us."

"Well it IS a very big head." Agent Tuna Ghost raised one eye brow.

"And it got me into the Eye Balls!" Agent Big Head said proudly. "By the way, sorry about the painful experiments."

"Uh...it's okay, the burns healed after a week." Dib said hesitantly. "So can you pay for my flight?"

"Very well, you leave in three days." Dark Booty said. "Agent Nessie, will you make sure that Operative Ghost Slinger meets with Agent Mothman?"

Nessie sighed. "Fine, I'm on it, but if this is a waste of time I'll let Slinger kick your big head all over the planet if this is fake like that Ninja Ghost in your toilet."

"I'm telling you, that was real!" Dib shouted.

"Yes, yes, now go get ready, ta-ta Mothman." Suddenly Dib was being pulled up by a vacuum coming out of a tube in the ceiling.

Dib yelped as his head was caught in it. "Oh come on!"

"Sorry, we had that personally fitted to be teenager sized, I guess we should just get you an adult sized one." Dark Booty said as dib tried to wiggle his head free. "Uh...hold on."

The Agent, still cloaked in shadows with only his eyes-hidden by red sun glasses visible began to jab Dib with the end of a broom until Dib was sucked up into the tube with a cry of surprise.

"Ah, so where were we?" Dar booty sat down.

"You just lost your pants," Tuna ghost pointed out to Dark Booty, who had no shirt, gloves, or shoes on.

"Oh bollocks." Dark Booty added his pants to the pile of clothes on the table. "Why did we agree to this again?"

"Maybe you hoped you'd get to see Tuna Ghost and Fairy naked by the end of it." Decapitated Head grumbled, now reduced to his briefs and one sock.

Fairy and Tuna Ghost had yet to lose more than their jackets and shoes while the rest of the players were suffering horribly.

"Alright then boys, I guess I'll go ahead and bet my skirt on this one." Fairy smirked evilly.

"I'm in!" Decapitated Head, Nessie, and Agent Onryo said at once.

"Keep it up Ony, Fairy just wants to get a good look at every part of you before she goes on the hunt." Tuna Ghost teased Fairy. "If you get what I mean of course."

Fairy glared at her friend as Onryo, who now only wore his pants leaned forward into the light, revealing a man in his early twenties. Onryo was from Japan, ergo why he had chosen to research Japanese demons as his first mission. After finding an Onryo-a spirit driven by vengeance back into the material world for unjustified murder against people who had not even wronged it, he had to endure a night of exorcising it and avoiding getting his head ripped off in the process.

Needless to say this made him well respected in the Swollen Eye Balls, and his appearance wasn't too bad.

"Is that supposed to mean something," Onryo asked, one eye brow raised. "Agent Tuna Ghost?"

Fairy squeaked and hid in the shadows.

If it was allowed, Tuna Ghost would get Fairy's name changed to Agent Stalker...or Agent Fan Girl.

Until then her thoughts were on this Agent Ghost Slinger and how this person was to help Agent Mothman find proof of Alien Mutants...which were surprisingly the most believable thing Mothman had ever brought to the Eye Balls.

Xxx

"Seriously though...Dirt?"

Lok sighed. "No Kay, it is called Earth, which essentially means dirt if you get down to the facts."

"Don't we already have a planet called dirt?" The tiny, petite, pink eyed helmsman looked up at him with her big, cute eyes.

"Yes, we do, like I said. We have one named Dirt, they have one called Earth, Terra, whatever." Lok sighed.

"But how can two planets be the same?" Kay continued to ask about the whole concept of two planets being called 'dirt'.

"...Larry, deploy plan D."

"On it." Larry didn't use any smart ass tones or remarks.

"Plan D?" Kay asked.

"Look at the screen, it will show you." Lok shrugged. "But n the mean time, transfer controls to me, I'll fly us there myself."

"Okay!" Kay happily complied and stared at a screen that came out of the ceiling. It only showed static to her. "I don't see anything."

"Just wait for it a bit," Lok said.

"Okay," Kay shrugged.

She kept staring at the screen for one minute, then ten minutes, then thirty minutes.

Finally, Loe looked over at Lok from where he was reading PlayIrken and said. "Clever."

Lok nodded and gestured for Loe to be silent. He pointed at Kay, who was still entranced by the mystic power of the screen. She was drooling a bit, her pink eyes dilated as she focused n the static.

Loe smiled. "This trip just got better."

Xxx

End of chapter


	2. Chapter 2

The I.D.I.

_The gods favour I.D.I._.

I don't own Invader Zim.

Xxx

"Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo..." Loe hummed as he looked over the galactic map. "Ok we'll be nearing the sector of the galaxy where this Earth is located soon."

"Keep me updated on our progress." Lok said as he took the command chair.

"Ok...I think I'll start now by pointing out the ship that just appeared." Loe gulped.

"What ship?" Lok looked at his analyst.

"Uh..the one that I just said appeared in front of us." Loe nervously raised one hand to point out the canopy of the bridge.

Lok turned around and saw that before the Para-Hunter was a massive ship-not as big as the Massive itself, but very big indeed. It was a dark green colour, so dark it was almost invisible against the stars were it not for the lights that snapped into existence on the side of t, focusing on the small cruiser.

"Kay! Evasive manoeuvres now!" Lok shouted.

When he got no response, he looked at his helmsman...only to find she was asleep at the helm. He sighed and too control back from her over the navigation controls and wrenched the cruiser to the left, managing to level out along the side of the ship, which was ten times the size of the Para-Hunter.

"Uh...we have an incoming transmission." Larry said.

"On screen and pray it isn't Sizz-Lor!" Lok tensed. "That fat bastard has been chasing me all over the place since Zim and I escaped his dump of a business."

Suddenly an image appeared on a floating screen that came down and hovered in front of the Irkens. The face of an Irken with one red eye and an eye patch where his other eye should have been appeared. The Irken was taller than Lok, and had a few scars on his face. He wore a dark gray uniform and looked utterly pissed off.

"UH oh," Lok said. "Tell me you didn't set it to a two way visual."

"Okay then, I won't." Larry said. "But lying won't help you."

"Lok," The Irken hissed.

"Uh...hey Dav." Lok chuckled nervously. "The eye doing okay?"

"I'll know as soon you give it back to me." Captain Dav growled. "You have a debt to pay to me Lok! You signed the contract, and I won't let technicalities like being the Tallests' bitch stop me from dragging your ass on board."

Kay whimpered. "He said a mean word."

Loe glared at Lok. "Another client?"

"Uh...say hello to Captain Dav the Pirate King." Lok chuckled nervously. "Uh...after I met his wife back on Conventia and uh...made things happen between us he threatened to kill me unless I served on his ship for a century. Luckily right after that my position as a Hunter became official the Tallest notified me that any contracts between me and anybody else were not recognized by the Irken Empire."

"That didn't stop you from getting into more debt!" Loe snapped.

"Is that Lok?" Suddenly a green eyed, female Irken stepped onto the screen.

"Uh...Glis, hey." Lok chuckled nervously.

"Lok..." Her eyes narrowed. "How good to see you."

"Yeah, it's been a long-" Suddenly an object appeared over his head in a flash of pink light. "What the-OW!" The crate knocked Lok off of his seat and made him hit the floor. "...I don't think I deserved that."

"Bastard!" Glis walked off of the screen.

"Hey!" Suddenly a very muscular Irken with blue eyes rushed onto the screen. "What the hell was that Lok?"

"Lon?" Lok's eyes widened before Lon accessed Dav's teleporter and made yet another crate appear over Lok and fall on him, leaving him pinned under it. "Ow..."

"I trusted you, you PAK kissing son of a florp!" Lon stomped off screen.

Loe stared at Lok. "What the florp was that!"

"Uh..." Lok forced the crate off of himself. "Let's say I theoretically deserved that one. Now n this universe where I deserve it, I would have had to-"

"LOK!"

"Oh florp, not again-AYE!" Lok was crushed under five crates, teleported by a rather petite, purple eyed female Irken who ran off screen, shrieking curses at Lok.

"...Okay I definitely deserved that one."

Suddenly yet another Irken woman came on scree. Ths one had red eyes and was taller than Dav. "Lok you florp! I heard what you did to my friend, Glis!"

Another crate dropped on Lok. "I deserved that one too. Ouch my squeedlysplooch!"

"Well on the bright side these are filled with candy, we'll never go hungry again!" Kay hugged one crate as candy spilled out of it and over Lok's head. Spitting out some candy, he sat up just before another Irken, this one again male just silently glared at Lok and tapped the teleporter controls.

This time ten crates fell on Lok, taking up the center of the bridge as Loe and Kay avoided them.

"ENOUGH!" Dav roared. "At the rate you send our supplies over to pummel this piece of shlitha with the less likely we are to have dinner!"

"I suppose you deserved that one too?" Loe knelt over a badly bruised Lok.

"Uh...no, not really." Lok said, sounding as though he was not the victim of a brutal beating. "Larry, set up the shields, I don't want any more teleporting."

"Done." Larry yawned.

Lok stood up as Kay ran out of the bridge, cackling as she carried two crates in her tiny arms. "So then," Lok sounded serious again. "Captain Dav. You know the law, our contract is voided!"

"I'm a pirate," Dav smirked. "I don't obey the laws. And officially you don't even serve the Tallest so..." Dav's ship fired a single laser that struck Lok's shields. "Fulfill your end of the bargain, or I will destroy your ship!"

"Hm...I see..." Lok said. "Larry...GET US THE FLORP OUT OF HERE!" He screamed ,waving his arms around in a panic induced frenzy.

"Going to FTL again." Larry sighed.

"DESTROY THEM!" Dav roared.

Dav's ship, the _Flying Irkman_ began to charge its main guns as the small cruiser shot right across its bow. Turning to pursue, the massive ship opened fire and struck the Para-Hunter twice, making the shields flash.

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Loe wailed as he held onto his seat, trying to prevent himself from beng tossed around the bridge like Lok and the crates.

Kay flew by, cheering. "YAY! THIS IS FUN!"

"LARRY!" Lok shouted as he managed to grab his command chair and buckle himself in. "We still have a Doom Bomb in our cargo, right?"

"Yep," Larry said casually as he prepared to go to slpspace.

"ARM AND EJECT IT! NOW!" Lok screeched.

"Fine, whiner." Larry grumbled. "Can't handle a little shaking, you Irkens are so-"

"NOW!"

"I JUST DID!"

As Larry snapped he gave the crew a view from the ship's aft cameras of the Doomb Bomb being deployed from the Cargo Bay...along with several crates filled with PlayIrken.

"!" Loe let out a long wail of despair. "NO!"

"Doom Bomb detonation in seven seconds!" Larry said. "Going to FTL!"

The Para-Hunter vanished in a flash of light.

Xxx

On board the Flying Irkman, Dav growled. "Prepare for FTL pursuit!"

His crew ,which greatly consisted of Lok's various Ex-Lovers and flings prepared to chase after their most hated target.

"Uh...sir?" Glis spoke up.

"What?" Dav glared at her.

"Uh...the radar is showing a...something coming at us." Glis gulped.

"On screen!" Dav ordered.

The screen showed the Doom Bomb coming right at them.

Dav sighed. "Ah florp."

The most powerful Irken Military Ant-Ship Explosive detonated in a flash of blinding light, mere feet from the Flying Irkman.

Xxx

"Ow..." Lok groaned as he rubbed his bruised head. "If I had bones they'd be broken by now."

"Oh quit whining ,we've arrived at our destination." Loe said as he brought up a galactic map, showing they had entered the Sol System.

"Sweet!" Lok smiled and stood up. "I'll be in the Regeneration Tank. Call me when we arrive."

Xxx

Dib whistled as his plane set down at a private landing strip owned by the Swollen Eyeballs Network. When he was allowed to disembark, he came upon a single Jeep lying near the edge of the landing strip. As he walked towards it, the jet turned and prepared to refuel and take off as Swollen Eyeball technicians began to tend to the air craft.

He got in and sighed as he opened his wallet to show it to the driver. "Agent Mothman, North American Division."

"Agent Host Slinger," Dib paused as he heard the agent speak, and slowly looked to his side and made contact with a young woman barely two or three years older than him. "United Kingdom Division." She was showing him a wallet with her own Eyeball I.D. "Welcome to Scotland, Agent Mothman."

Ghost Slinger had a light accent in her voice, and her hair was pitch black and barely reached her shoulders. Her hair parted a bit to the right of her forehead and covered her left eye. Hr one visible eye was hazel, and her skin was fair. She wore a pair of jeans and a black t shirt. That was an odd choice of clothing seeing as it was winter, but then he noticed a jacket on the floor by her feet. She also had a gun holstered under her right arm.

"Wow, I didn't think anybody else in the network was around my age." Dib smiled and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you Ghost Slinger."

"Just call me Natty." Ghost Slinger shrugged. "And I'm twenty four; don't let the looks fool you. Kind of...underdeveloped in a few ways if you get what I mean."

This woman was six years older than him?

"So...what's with the gun?" Dib asked, glancing at it as she began to drive.

"Well, I have to break into a highly guarded facility in the middle of winter," Natty raised one eye brow. "I might have to strong arm somebody into cooperating. And if you're right the facility's experiments are far from legal. If they have armed guards I won't be the only one without a gun."

"And Nessi kept saying I'm the one who rushes in guns blazing." Dib chuckled.

"He never mentioned you," Natty said as she pulled onto a road. "Then again, the last time he talked to me before last night was when I graduated high school."

"So how long have you been with the eyeballs?" Dib asked.

"Six years." Natty said.

"Wow, I joined at the same time as you!" Dib grinned.

"And until I heard of you I thought I was their youngest operative." Natty sighed. "Oh well. What can you tell me about this facility?"

"Well, according to the information I got, it's being used for the purpose of combining the genome of a human and another species." Dib said. "I have a suspicion about who is in charge, but he's back in America. I managed to find out about it when I used some uh...stolen equipment to hack into the World Wide Web."

"What kind of equipment?" Natty asked.

"Uh...a stolen alien ship." Dib said.

Natty stared at him for several seconds, and then shrugged. "What species?"

Blinking in surprise, Dib continued. "Uh...Irken."

"Does it belong to your suspect?" Natty asked.

"Not exactly." Dib shook his head. "You really believe me?"

"Of course." Natty nodded. "Unlike the Board of directors, I'm prone to accept more abnormal things. Plus I was monitoring several odd transmissions that transmitted to and from America, right into space." Natty glanced at Dib again. "Care to elaborate?"

"That must have been when Zim talks to his leaders!" Dib said. "Zim's an Irken Invader; I've been fighting him for six years now! He's supposed to remain in deep cover and take over the planet."

"And he hasn't managed to do so in six years?" Natty sounded surprised.

"I managed to outsmart him a lot, or just got plain lucky from time to time." Dib shrugged. "The ship belonged to another Invader, Tak. She came to Earth to steal Zim's mission, but uh...well he and I kind of teamed up to stop her. Her ship fell right into my back yard after we beat her, so I kept it to use against Zim."

"Intriguing." Natty nodded. "And the Eye Balls still don't believe you?"

"Not about Zim being an alien." Dib sighed.

"Well, f you're right about this Mothman then you'll have all the proof that you need." Natty gave him a smile.

Db smiled back at her as they roared across the countryside. "Call me Dib."

Xxx

"So...where do we look first?" Loe asked as the Para-Hunter took up position over the planet known as Earth, shielded from its satellites and scanners by a stealth field.

"Well, we need to ascertain the location of this supposed Production Facility, if there is one on this planet of course." Lok stated. "Most of all we need disguises so we can move in public."

"Ooh! I wanna be a moose!" Kay began to hop up and down excitedly.

Lok sighed, running one hand down over his face. "Kay, you are not going to be a moose. We have to go into places where animals will not be permitted, you will be a human."

Kay began to throw a tantrum, hopping up and down again and waving her arms, whining about how she liked moose. Loe soon got tired of it and locked her in her quarters again.

"Well that takes care of one problem," Loe said. "So, how do we find the source of this supposed offense against our supposedly superior Irken Genome?"

Lok sighed. "I hate to say it Loe, but we might just have to talk to the local Irken Presence."

Loe's eyes widened, and he shook his head. "Nuh-uh! No way! I am NOT going to talk to Zim!"

"One of us has to and I'm way too important to be risked before the mission begins!" Lok pointed out. "I need to be alive so I can kick ass and get our money!"

"I need to be alive so me can be me and so me can help you by staying here and giving you cyber support!" Loe pointed to his controls, which allowed him to hack into systems and monitor Lok's progress.

"Well one of us has to go down there." Lok said. "I'd send Kay, but she's as bad as Zim." Hs eyes narrowed. "Loe, I, as the commander of this ship ORDER you to go down and talk to Zim!"

"UH...you both know we could just call him from here, right?" Larry asked.

Ignoring them, both of the Irkens continued arguing. Larry sighed. "Well, I tried."

Soon, they decided just who would be sent down to talk to the infamous Invader Zim.

Xxx

The alarm began to wail, drawing Invader Zim up from his work. "Huh? COMPUTER!"

"There is somebody at the door." The computer said dully.

Zim cursed and grabbed his wig and contact lenses. "Curses! I need to get those Robot Parents fixed."

Zim took the elevator up from the base and through the toilet in his kitchen. He rushed to the front door and swung it open...coming face to face with a taller, purple eyed Irken.

"Invader Zim?" The Irken asked.

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"I am-" The Irken began.

"WHO ARE YOU!"

"I am-"

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"I AM LOK!" A thoroughly annoyed Lok yelled.

"Lock what? A confused Zim asked.

"No, Lok!" Lok tried to explain his name.

"Lock what?"

"Not lock, Lok!" Lok growled.

"What are you here to lock?" Zim asked, losing patience.

"My. Name. Is. Lok." Lok emphasized every word.

"Lock your name?" Zim tlted his head in confusion.

"...that's probably the best I'll get out of you." Lok sighed.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Zim demanded.

"I am here-" Lok started.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Zim roared.

"SHUT UP AND I'LL TELL YOU!" Lok yelled. "Gah, I can feel my IQ dropping by proximity already. Zim, I am here on a mission from the Tallest and I need all information you have on this planet for my mission."

"Why didn't you say so?" Zm asked.

"I tried Zim, oh Irk how I tried." Lok shook his head.

"Heh, some people are just strange no matter what." Zim said.

"ARE YOU DA PIZZA GUY?" Suddenly a SIR unit latched onto Lok's wast.

"GIR! There is no pizza at this hour!" Zim snapped.

"WAH!" Gir began to wail.

"ZM, GET YOUR STUPID ROBOT OFF ME OR I'LL OPEN IT LIKE A CHEAP CAN OF SODA!" Lok growled.

"Aw...somebody needs a hug!" Gir began to squeeze the life out of Lok.

"GAH! My squeedlysplooch!" Lok gagged.

"Gir get off him, go make some waffles," Zim growled. "We can start by increasing his immunity to the food of this wretched ball of dirt."

"WAFFLESWAFFLESWAFFLES!" Gir ran into the kitchen.

Coughing, Lok looked up at Zim. "Your robot is stupid."

"This coming from a guy who won't tell me his name." Zim countered.

"I told you my name Zim! My name s Lok, L-O-K, Lok!" Lok yelled.

"You're here to L-O-K?" Zim asked. "That's stupid."

'Screw it, just make up a name for him.' Lok sighed. "My name is...Lak."

"Lak? Lak!..." Zim paused. "Never heard of you before."

"I'm a Hunter appointed by the Tallest-" Lok began.

"Hunter? HUNTER?" Zim backed away, clutching a robot that had black and yellow stripes. "YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE!"

"No!" Lok stepped inside and slammed the door shut. "I am here because somebody has been hijacking Irken cloning technology! The Tallest discovered that somebody had pad an unwelcomed visit to the Smeet Production Facility on Irk and made off with Genetic Material and technology. They traced it here and believe that somebody may be attempting to combine Irken DNA with that of other species. I need your data on this planet so I can locate this stolen technology!"

Zim stared at him for several seconds, and shrugged. "Okay." He looked up. "Computer, transfer all the information on this mud ball to Lak."

"Initiating transfer." The computer boomed as a tentacle came out of the roof. Lok let it connect to his PAK and waited for all of the data to be downloaded. "Transfer complete."

"Excellent, now I need a disguise." Lok smirked.

"I have just the perfect plan!" Zim said. "Computer, provide him a disguise!"

Suddenly a tube came out of the wall and dropped something on Lok's head...a wig just like Zim's. Moment later a pair of pincer arms added contact lenses.

Lok blinked in surprise as a mirror popped up and show himself and Zim. He didn't take five seconds to decide. "Uh...no thanks," He took off the wig and gently peeled the contact lenses away. "I have one of my own."

Zim scoffed. "Suit yourself."

"I shall," Lok pulled a device out of his PAK and latched it to his wrist. It looked like a silver bracelet without any form of decorations. "Interface with Homo Sapien Data and create inventory of disguises."

A hologram popped out of the bracelet and showed him various disguises. He finally chose one, and a ring of light travel up his arm and across his entire body. Soon, he had pale, fair skin and short black hair that was closely cut. His eyes were brown and he had a thin layer of facial hair on his lower face. All in all he looked like a regular human.

"Perfect." Lok looked at himself.

"Hideous." Zim hissed.

"Ah shows what you know-" Lok was cut off when the door was blown open.

"ZIM!" Suddenly an Irken landed on the floor before the two male Irkens. This one was female, with purple eyes and some sort of implant attached to her head. She wore a matching purple uniform, and accompanying her was a cat with red eyes.

"AH! IT'S THE INSANE MISSION STEALER!" Zim shouted. "Security, defend your master!"

A floating purple moose flew in from the kitchen. "Squeak!" Suddenly laser beams shot from its eyes.

The female Irken and her cat evaded the lasers. The Irken pulled out a laser gun and fired at Zim, who was pushed aside by Lok, who whipped out his own pistol as his disguise faded. Firing two shots, her forced Zim behind the living room's couch and fired again. She evaded with her Spider Legs, and launched herself at Lok, who replied with his own spider legs.

They were soon n a standoff, with their pistols aimed at one another's faces.

"Who are you? Why are you helping him?" The female Irken demanded.

"My name is Lok-"

"Lock what?" Zim demanded. "Answer me already."

"SHUT UP!" Lok yelled without breaking eye contact with his target. "My name is Lok and I am a Hunter of the Tallest. Who are you?"

"Tak, and that defective midget is my target." Tak growled.

"Sorry, but I need his help right now, so maybe another time." Lok's eyes narrowed. "As your superior by height I order you to stand down."

Tak growled, but lowered her weapon.

"Good," Lok holstered his gun.

"Why would the Tallests' Hunter be here?" Tak asked.

"A conspiracy has been made against the Irken Empire, and is happening on this very planet." Lok replied. "You seemed particularly talented...feel like giving me a hand?"

"Give me the details first," Tak knew if he ordered her to she would have no choice, so she might as well ask for the full mission information.

Lok explained to her what had happened on Irk and his objective here on Earth, when he was done she didn't need time to think about it.

"And the Tallest will reward me f I help you?" Tak asked.

"For performing such a service to the empire they might promote you to Admiral." Lok smirked. "So come on then, Invader Tak, help me out." He offered her one hand.

"She's not an Invader!" Zim protested.

"Shut. Up! ZIM!" Lok said through clenched teeth.

Tak smirked and shook his hand. "Alright then, I'm in."

"Good, now get out of the house of ZIM!" Zim shouted. "I need to do some serious renovations because of you!"

"Zim, last warning, SHUT THE FLORP UP!"

"Alright, yeesh!" Zim backed up. "Somebody has a temper."

"Oh you have no idea just how right you are Zim, you have no idea." Lok shook his head.

"no idea of what?" Zim asked.

...

"That's it." Lok pulled a sphere out of his PAK.

"What? What I do? What did I do?" Zim backed up as Lok triggered the sphere and threw it into the air.

"Out, hurry!" He tugged Tak and MIMI out...right before the EMP grenade went off and fred the upp parts of the base.

"NO! MY BEAUTIFUL BASE! NO!" Zim cried out as his systems crashed.

Outside, Lok got to his feet and brushed off his coat. "That'll teach him-"

"NO MY BEAUTIFUL BASE! NOOO!" Zim screamed.

"That'll-"

"NO! NONONONONO!" Zim screamed. "MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!"

"..." Lok looked back at the base for a moment. "That-" He paused. "...that'll-" He stopped again. "That'll teach him a-"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF MY PROPERTY ALREADY YOU INSANE TEMPEREMENTAL HUNTER MANIAC AND YOU MISSION STEALING INVADER WANNABE!" Zim shouted.

"Ah florp it let's just go." Lok led Tak to the street.

Suddenly the robot bee flew over them. Tak looked up. "Isn't that Zim's-"

"NOOOO MY ROBOT BE! NOOO!" Zim's cry echoed through the neighbourhood.

"Whiner!" A certain, evil young girl shouted from nearby.

"Does this entire planet radiate waves of stupidity?" Lok asked as he and Tak activated their disguises.

"Sadly yes." Tak nodded. "So what do we know about these insolent pigs who stole our technology?"

"Well, we know they may most likely have an inside source," Lok stated. "Somebody helped them get the technology and transport it back here. We also know that to even begin to successfully produce a smeet they will need an increased amount of power."

"So the more rural areas of this planet are out." Tak said. "But I think I know something that can help us find it...or some_one_ to be precise."

"Who?"

"A native, by the name of Dib Membrane. His technology is practically hard wired to monitor for off world transmissions." Tak explained.

"A primitive human can monitor our transmissions? Impressive." Lok noted.

Tak led Lok to Dib's house. She knocked on the front door while Lok pressed himself up against the sde of it, gripping the handle of his pistol.

The door opened. "What?" A young, purple hair girl glared at Tak.

"I'd like to see your brother." Tak said pleasantly.

"He left yesterday, some trip to England for more of his stupid alien stuff." Gaz replied.

"Hm...would you mind if we look at his uh...research technology?" Lok asked as he leaned into view.

"Who's this?" Gaz looked up at Lok.

"Uh...I am...Lee!" Lok lied. "I'm very interested in..." As he spoke he saw Tak-who was out of Gaz's view make gestures in Irken Universal Sign Language. "Uh...destroying his reputation as a...uh...para-para...paranormal researcher! By...trashing his...roob? No, room! I'm here to trash his room!"

Gaz shrugged. "Heh, go on in."

Lok sighed in relief as he and Tak went inside.

"Daughter, who are our new guests?" A flying screen with the image of Professor Membrane on it floated up to them.

"My name is Lee and this is Tak," Lok said. "We're here to...visit uh..Dib!"

"What did he do?" Membrane asked.

"Nothing! In fact we uh...wanted to ask him some stuff about uh..." He looked to Gaz, who was sitting on the couch, then to a poster that said 'REAL SCIENCE ROCKS', followed by a mug that Membrane was holding that sad 'REAL SCIENCE'. "Real...science?"

"My son is an expert in real science? I thought he was insane!" Membrane said, amazed. "I've never been so proud of him! Very well, go and see him!"

As the two Irkens went upstairs, Gaz looked up. "You do realize Dib left for England, right?"

"Yes, yes, whatever you say daughter." Membrane sipped his coffee. "AH! TOO HOT!"

Xxx

Lok kicked open Dib's door and leaped in, gun drawn.

"Clear." He stood up.

"Was that really necessary?" Tak asked.

"You have no idea just how necessary it was Tak." Lok replied, holstering his gun.

"Alright...let's just get what we need before you blow the computers up." Tak said as she walked over to Dib's desk. "Alright Dib, let's see what you've been up to these past few weeks."

After hacking into his personal files with her PAK systems, she looked through the data.

"A whole bunch of stuff on Zim here, but don't see anything about our supposed Irken Cloning Conspiracy." Tak said.

"Try typing in 'Mutant Babies'." Gaz said as she passed by the door. "Whenever he investigates something those two words are always involved."

Tak shrugged and typed in 'Mutant Aliens Babies'.

Immediately she and Lok were given one file: Zim's Mutant Alien Babies.

"Zim?" Tak opened the file.

Lok looked through the data. "Uh...looks like he only suspects that Zim is responsible...and its all happening in some place called...London, England! What kind of advanced human military fortress is this 'London England'?"

"It's a city, the capital of England." Tak said. "I stuck around there for a bit since well...my accent helped me to stick in and all."

"So, my target's in London," Lok nodded. "Okay...I have a way to get there. If I can call my ship down we can link up and be there in an hour."

"That or you can just use my stupid brother's stupid ship he's been working on in the garage." Gaz said as she once again passed the door.

"Is she just pacing out there?" Tak asked. "And what ship?"

They ran to the garage and came upon Tak's ship.

"That's MY ship!" Tak said. "How did your brother get it?"

"It made a crater in our back yard, which you're lucky I don't bill you for." Gaz said. "It knocked out the power for ten seconds and made me lose my game!" She referred to her PS3 in the living room.

"Whatever. It looks like it's in good condition now." Tak paused. "How could he have managed to keep a ship not of this world in working order?"

"He had to hack in and replace your annoying personality with his stupid personality." Gaz said. "I was glad when it stopped talking altogether; apparently when it relived all his memories it got so miserable it deleted itself."

"Wow...no wonder he isn't dead," Tak said.

"That's kind of sad, your ship committed suicide just from thinking it was Dib." Lok said, shaking his head.

"Nevermind, let's just take it, it's my ship anyways and we can get to England in a few minutes if we use this. Unlike Zim's pitiful Voot Cruiser this is a true Irken Fighter!"

"Okay then, I'll just uh...sit in the back." Lok said before he spoke into his radio. "Para-Hunter this is Lok, set course for a meeting over the air space of the country known as England!"

"WOO HOO...What's an England?" Kay asked, confused.

"Just do it." Lok cut the link.

"Is she qualified to operate a ship?" Tak asked.

"She did have a top grade at piloting, of course she might have been at an inquiry or two during certain accidents." Lok said.

"Certain? Accidents?" Tak twitched. "why do you have somebody like that on your ship?"

"Because...she's cheap, all the good ones are too high pricy for me." Lok lied. The Tallest had begged him to take Kay off of their hands in the hopes one of his missions would cause her to die.

"So you hired the galaxy's most insane pilot just for the sake of saving some monies?" Tak asked.

"...yes, yes I did." Lok nodded.

"I suddenly dread the outcome of this mission." Tak said.

Xxx

"SHE'S AN EVE NWORSE DRIVER THAN ZIM!" Tak yelled as she swerved to avoid the Para-Hunter as the two ships shot across the night sky, approaching England.

"WOO HOO!" Kay screeched. "OHMANLOVEPLOTINGSOMUCH!" She paused. "Hey, a robot bee!"

The robot bee was on a direct course for the Para-Hunter.

"I'll blast right through it!" Kay cackled.

"Warning! Incoming lethal object!" Larry yelled.

"It's a little robot! Nobody will get hurt! Well, nobody but the bee!" Kay said...right before the bee 'pinged' off of the canopy and the Para-Hunter began to spiral down. "AH!

"I WANT MY COLD UNFEELING ROBOT ARM!" Loe wailed.

"NOT ONLY A WORSE DRIVER ,BUT YOU'RE EVEN MORE INSANE THAN ZIM!" Tak yelled.

"Aw crap." Lok sighed as the Para-Hunter went down in a lake. "That'll affect the resale value."

"Uh..this is Loe, surprisingly there aren't any leaks." Loe said over the radio. "Wow, I can see all the fish! Hey, I'll see if I can get this thing running again, you guys go on and find the Smeet Facility!"

Tak sighed and looked at Lok. "Is your helmsman defective?"

"Uh..no! No, she's just...hyper active, she always drinks too much soda for her own good." Lok lied.

"By the great Tallest, why me?" Tak wailed, having lost her patience.

"Oh come on, you've still got me to help!" Lok said supportively.

Xxx

Little did they know, several others knew that Lok was there also.

Xxx

End of chapter


	3. Chapter 3

The IDIOTs

_The Irken Gods favour the IDIOTs_

I own nothing

Xxx

"Alright, so let me get this straight." Dib said as Natty stared at the air port through her binoculars. "The address I got wasn't the production facility?"

"I don't think so," Natty replied. "This air port is owned by Seth MacDonald, a businessman from Scotland who has kept his actions pretty clean. He even has a brother in the Swollen Eyeballs who managed to get us a few billion dollars worth of British pounds to get our group to go from America and the UK to going Global. But he does own a medical corporation and a large part of an engineering and construction company. Do you think...?"

"That he uses the medical company as a cover up for genetic research and used the construction company to help build the facility? Maybe if he slipped some people some money." Dib rubbed his hands together to warm them. "Well, guess Zim really wasn't the one responsible for this."

"There'll be other days, but we don't know for sure if he is or isn't involved." Natty put her binoculars away. "MacDonald always has a private jet to carry him to and from this airport on a daily basis."

"So the only way to find the Production Facility-if there is one...is to follow that jet." Dib said.

"Or put a tracker on it and then follow it later." Natty shrugged, pulling out her pistol and checking it.

"Uh...do we really need one of those?" Dib asked nervously.

"It's a precaution." Natty shrugged. "But if it makes you feel better, I have an alternative." She slid the Browning into its holster and pulled a revolver out of her pack. It looked old and rusted. She checked the empty cylinder and then shut it, smirking. "Perfect."

"I'm all for no violence, but how will an empty revolver help us?" Dib asked.

"This isn't any ordinary revolver Dib." Natty grinned. "There's a reason they call me the Ghost Slinger. This is a gun owned by my great-great grandfather. He worked as a bounty hunter in America, and this was his number one weapon...til he died." She sighed. "I thought that was the end of it, but then people claimed they saw his ghost, investigated...and after I exorcised him the Swollen Eyeballs recruited me the moment I came outta high school."

She held t up for him to see. "He always believed in training for a non-lethal shot, this gun cannot kill anybody, it can only stun them no matter where you hit them. Best of all it has limitless ammo, but every six shots it has to pause for five seconds to reload, that was the longest it ever took him to reload his gun."

"Cool!" Dib said.

"Yeah, let's go!" Natty led Dib to the jeep. "We'll find a way in through the public entrances and hook MacDonald's private plane up with a beacon."

"Sounds like a plan to me." Dib said. "Man, investigating aliens and fighting corporate corruption, this is why I joined the Eyeballs!"

Xxx

"The blue one?" Kay tilted her head.

"No! NO! Stop!" Loe shot one hand out as though he could reach across the half flooded hangar bay to stop Kay from hitting the blue button. "Do NOT hit the blue button! That will open up the other door and bring a whole lot more water in here! Hit the green one damn it! Have you the brain worms?"

"Okay jeez." Kay pouted. "So how did this happen again?"

"Don't you remember?" Loe asked as he climbed up a series of cables towards the ceiling.

Xxx

_**Presenting Irken Loe's Fantabulous Flash Back!**_

_Loe sighed n relief. "Ah, life's so good. We can just sit here and wait for Lok and Tak to signal us now that the engines are back on line."_

"_Uh...how do engines activate underwater?" Kay asked._

"_Oh, well it's quite simple-"_

"_BORING!" Kay screeched, and then calmly walked out of the bridge._

"_Why is she always so rude..." Loe paused. "Oh yeah, she's an idiot. " He then pulled out another PlayIrken. "Oh yeah, she's got some good antennae..."_

_In the back of the ship, Kay was looking at a console built into the side of the upper cargo bay._

"_Ooohhhh..." She stared at them._

_Suddenly her Irken Shoulder Devil appeared on one shoulder. With a pair of horns and a pitch fork, she snickered, whispering into Kay's ear. "They're shiny, so shiny, go ahead!"_

_A moment later Kay's Shoulder Angel appeared on her opposite shoulder, with a halo and wings to complete her appearance. The Shoulder Devil and Kay peered at her for a moment as she stood there with a wise, kind smile...which turned to an evil grin. "DOTDOITDOITDOIT!"_

"_WOO HOO!" Kay began to tap random buttons. "SHINYSHINYSHINYSHINY!"_

_Just as Loe entered the cargo bay, one of the doors began to open. "OH FLORP!" He pushed Kay away from the controls and tried to force the doors shut as alarms wailed and water began to fill the lower cargo bay._

"_YAY! WE GONNA DIE!" Kay cheered._

"_AH! COLD UNFEELING ROBOT ARM, HELP ME!" Loe wept as he desperately tried to shut the door._

_Hitting the manual override, he managed to get it to shut...after only three feet of space separated the upper cargo bay from the water._

"_Kay, what the florp was that for?" Loe yelled at her._

"_The Shoulder Spirits told me to." Kay said, wide eyed and staring at the water. "Can I go swimming?"_

"_NO!" As Kay leapt out over the water, Loe unleashed his Spider Legs and snatched her out of mid air. "That's H20! It'll kill you, you fool!"_

"_Aw..." Kay stared at the water. "But it looks fun."_

"_Just stay there while I hit the emergency pumping mechanism. With all this water we'd never lift off." Loe sighed, and thus began to adventures of Indiana Loe as he manoeuvred along the walls and climbed cables._

Xxx

"...how'd you know what my shoulder spirits said?" Kay asked.

"...I don't know." Loe blinked. "Anyways, hit the green one so this cable takes me up to the pump controls!"

Kay hit the green button, and the cable retracted up towards the ceiling. It stopped, and Loe reached up and flipped a panel open using his spider legs. He activated the pump, and the water began to slowly pour out of the cargo bay and back into the lake.

"Woo hoo! The Robot Arm would be so proud of me if it could see me now." Loe sniffed, wiping away a tear. He let go of the cable. "Now let's get back to- AH!" He hit the wet floor below, sizzling a bit. "Owie."

Kay recoiled. "Ooh! That has gotta hurt!"

Xxx

The ship landed, and the two Irkens hopped out.

"I'd recommend we don't use our guns," Tak said, pulling out her pistol and tossing it into the cockpit.

"Why not?" Lok asked.

"If they know Irkens are searching for them they might cut and run. If they think it's a rival human faction we might have a chance to follow them." Tak explained.

"Ah...I see." Lok tossed his pistol into the ship, which locked down and cloaked. "So how will we fight?"

"Our best bet is to secure weapons from any guards," Tak replied.

"So...takedown?" Lok asked.

"Takedown." Tak nodded. "I assume that as the Tallests' Hunter you have Advanced Hand to Hand Combat Training."

"Ha! Advance CQB?" Lok chuckled. "Lady, they promoted me from food drone to personal assassin because I am just awesome as it is. I took basic hand to hand and got the rest from..." He held up one hand dramatically. "Movies!"

"Tak stared at him for several seconds, and slapped herself in the face. "Why me?"

"Aw relax; I wouldn't be alive if I couldn't defend myself." Lok said. "Now come on, let's go."

They had landed the small ship behind several large crates stacked up next to one hangar. There were several warehouses between them and the main terminal.

"So, first we want to find any unsavoury characters with some not so legal cargo," Lok said as they walked down a street between two rows of warehouses.

Tak paused, her eyes narrowing. "Wait, my optics picked something up."

"What is it?" Lok tensed.

"You don't have your own?" Tak asked.

"Lady, I've already said that I ain't an Invader, they promoted me from food drone. Hunters don't get optics." Lok growled. "Now what is it?"

"A pair of guards around the next corner." She pointed to the warehouse they were passing-the last one in its row.

"You have X-Ray vision? That is so cool." Lok said appreciatively.

"Shut up and get ready. I can't tell what weapons they have." Truth be Tak appreciated the compliment, but she didn't let it show. "I think I have a plan. If I distract them by- wait!"

Lok had rushed around the corner and was taking the guards head on! He had gotten behind the closest one before they could respond, moved to the man's right ,and forced the man's right arm up and away from the club that hang in his belt by forcing his left arm under the human's and forcing it up. He delivered a devastating punch with his right fist to the man's ribs, knocking the breath out of him so he would remain silent for the most part. Lok then snapped his hand back and opened it, curling his fingers and thumb back, and slammed the heel of his right hand into the human's nose, breaking it.

He finished it by straightening his hand out, flattening his fingers and thumb together and chopped the side of the man's neck with the outer part of his wrist. The man collapsed, and all within two seconds of Lok engaging the enemy!

The other guard reached for his own weapon-a gun, only for Lok to bat the pistol aside with his left hand as the guard raised it and delivered a simple cross to the man's jaw with his right fist. As the man began to stumble back ,he gripped him by the collar of his shirt and tugged him back towards him, leading his ribs right into Lok's knee. The man's breath was knocked out of him, eliminating any chances of screaming. Lok finished it by delivering a finishing blow to the side of the man's head, right below his left ear with his right fist. The guard collapsed, and Lok stood victoriously over them.

"Here the hell did you learn those moves?" Tak asked.

"The Vortian Identity, Double Oh 000111, and a bunch of martial arts videos on the G-Net." Lok shrugged. "It helps to memorize and practice them."

Tak stared at him as he took the pistol from the guard.

"Give me a moment to memorize how to use this primitive gun...accessing memory on human fire arms." Lok paused as the data ran through his mind. "Well, Zim did a good job of collecting data on weaponry. Walther P99 9mm hand gun, twelve rounds, good condition. I'm set, let's go!"

"Lead on, you have the gun." Tak gestured.

Lok led them along the side of the ware house and to the edge of an air field. Three guards were standing guard at the side of the closed hangar next to the Irkens.

"Hangar 5..." Tak whispered as she scanned the interior. "Bo-Scan confirmed, Seth MacDonald, our prime suspect and target, he's in there."

"Good, now to just eliminate the guards." Lok paused. "Wait." He took a look at the guards carefully.

They wore urban camouflage pants, black shirts or matching camo jackets with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons undone. Some wore hats and gloves. He used this data to fashion a disguise for himself. His clothing shimmered, and was replaced by a uniform the guards wore.

"Are you sure you're not an Invader?" Tak asked.

"As sure as Sizz-Lor's restaurant has crappy work conditions." Lok sighed as he checked his pistol. "Wait for my signal, and use your active camouflage."

He stepped out into the open. His database took a moment to make sure they all were speaking English before he spoke. "How goes the watch? I heard somebody may have spotted some unwelcome guests."

"We never heard anything." One guard looked up from his cigarette.

"They believe the radios are compromised, nobody s permitted to use them. Turn them off, just in case." Lok ordered.

Luckily his system had allowed him to choose the symbol of a squad leader to go on his uniform, so they obeyed.

"Alright, I'll be sticking here with you for a bit. Another runner will be by soon." Lok sat on a crate.

"Want a smoke?" The cigarette holding guard asked.

"Uh...no thanks." Lok wouldn't risk contaminating himself.

After several minutes, Lok looked at the alley where Tak was hidden and stood up. With their backs to him, Lok gestured with one hand for Tak to move. He did not know if she responded or not. He moved in on the soldiers.

He grabbed one from over a crate and chopped him on the front of the throat after drawing him half over the wooden container. Luckily he had chosen the time when a nearby plane was taking off, so the other two guards, busy watching it never noticed. Tak took this chance and attacked the second guard. The third spun, but Lok raised his pistol and aimed right between his eyes. The roar of the engine drowned out the gun shot.

The gun bucked in his hands and rose a bit, but he kept control of it and holstered it as his disguise returned to normal. "Take their guns and ammo."

Tak found a tazer, another pistol, and two rifles between the three guards.

"I didn't download any weapons data, what are these?" She held up the rifles, the pistol securely tucked in a weapon's compartment.

"Scanning...AK-47, modified with a scope." Lok noted. "Thirty round clip...and only one each, make them count."

The two Irken Warriors stepped up to the main doors of the hangar.

"MIMI, cut it open." Tak ordered. "Change disguises, we can't let oru cover get blown."

Lok nodded, and their human forms changed. Lok was now a bald man with no eye brows and white eyes while TAK was a female version of him. Their clothes were entirely pitch black and form fitting.

All in all, generic.

MIMI finished cutting open the metal doors, making a perfect square in the metal.

"I don't think they noticed, they're busy with something on the far side of the hangar. Target mixed with expendable hostiles, aim carefully." Tak warned.

"Got it. Three, two, ONE!" They slammed into the square of metal as one. It came down with them on top, and they rolled to their feet, rifles raised.

Five men spun with cries of shock and outrage. Each Irken fired a two round burst. Tak's target fell while Lok's target's body armour kept him safe for a moment before a four round burst sent him off his feet. Two of the other men drew pistols while the third, a man in a white business suit picked a silver case off of a table that was set up under the wing of a parked plane.

The two guards opened fire as Lok and Tak took cover.

"That was definitely MacDonald who just took off!" Lok shouted.

"tell me something don't know!" Tak yelled.

"I've dated 93 people, 43 of which were not Irken and ten were not women!" Lok shouted.

"WHAT?"

"That's something you don't know!" Lok shrugged before he and Tak stood and fired several more bursts into the guards.

Pausing to grab a fresh clip off of the table for their half depleted assault rifles, the Irkens followed MacDonald to a side door and out to a jeep. Three guards levelled AK-47s at them and opened fire again.

Lok dove into cover behind a truck and lied down flat under it, taking aim with his rifle and fire a three round burst that almost blew off a guard's leg below the knee. He did the same to a second man while Tak took down the third with a single burst to the head.

"He's getting away!" Tak shouted as the jeep roared across the field.

"Well, time to level the playing field." Lok hopped into another jeep parked next to where MacDonald's vehicle had been left, and after finding the keys left in the ignition turned them. Tak hopped into the now purring vehicle, and they took off after MacDonald across the air field...

As a private jet began to roll out of its hangar, with MacDonald's corporate logo on it.

Xxx

Several seconds earlier...

"Were those gun shots?" Dib asked as he and Natty crept through the darkness of the hangar where MacDonald's jet was parked.

"I'll worry about that, you just get the beacon planted." Natty said...right before a door next to them opened.

"Freeze!"

Rather than obey, Natty sprang into action. She slammed a round house kick into the first man's head as he rushed n at her, and spun her gun in her grip, using it to strike the second man across the face. The third man stood there as she aimed her revolver at him.

The third man raised his hands, remaining calm despite his predicament. "Who are you? Who sent you?"

"You don't have a gun, you don't ask questions." Natty frowned, and shot him once. A single green light left the revolver and struck the man in the chest. He was knocked off his feet, bathed n a green glow. He was alive when it faded, but out like a light.

"Hurry up Mothman!" Natty hissed. "More are coming! Plant that tracker!"

Dib rushed to where the landing gear came out. Kneeling under the plane, he reached up to apply the disc shaped tracking beacon to the inside. As he finished, the hangar door began to open. Cursing, he rushed back to Natty and joined her behind a crate where she had moved the unconscious guards.

"Get t out of here! MacDonald is demanding an immediate evac!" A soldier shouted as the jet moved out of the hangar.

"Maybe it had to do with those gun shots," Natty whispered as the jet settled in the middle of the run way. A jeep pulled up to it, and a man in a white business suit got out and ascended the unfolded stairs while the two guards opened fire on an unseen enemy that pulled up in a jeep moments later.

They had no features that could be memorized, and wore plan black. But they used their rifles with great effect, gunning down the guards with one quick burst each. One stopped to reload their rifle as the other rushed for the jet, which was already taking off. The assailant fired her assault rifle at the plane until it ran dry. She tossed it down with a frustrated cry that sounded familiar...

"Tak." Dib whispered.

"What?" Natty looked at him.

"That was Tak's voice, she must be using cloaking technology!" Dib whispered. "Maybe she's after MacDonald for the same reason we are! Those Irkens are real sensitive about their stuff."

"Who's the other one then, Zim?" Natty asked.

"Nah, Zim would just have contact lenses and a wig on and would go around shooting lasers." Dib shook his head. "This is something new."

"Let's get out of here so we can report back." Natty tugged him out the back door as Tak and her companion got back into their jeep.

Xxx

"Start driving!" Lok ordered as Tak got into the jeep. "We have to get out of here!"

"Hold on!" She gunned the jeep forward as Lok balanced himself, standing up and firing back at some guards who aimed at them. He was careful, never wasting more than three or four bullets on each guard.

As they began their approach to the warehouses where the Ship was hidden, Tak shouted. "INCOMING!"

The ground detonated behind the jeep as an RPG struck it. The jeep was flipped over, throwing the two Irkens free. They hit the ground ,and their holograms shimmered.

"Ah... hate Earth." Lok sat up and looked at Tak, who was slowly rising to her feet. "I guess we're walking!" The explosion had catapulted them between two of the warehouses, and the wreckage blocked the solders from directly following them.

"Maybe we can follow that human before he escapes!" Tak sad as they rushed back towards where Tak had left the ship.

"If we want to we'd better get a move on!" Lok shouted as bullets flew past them. He pulled out his gun and fired back at the pursuers as he and Tak rounded the final corner.

"OPEN!" Tak shouted.

The Ship appeared and the canopy slid open. Both Irkens climbed in, and it shut over them. The cloaking device activated just as several guards came around the corner.

"What the hell?" One guard looked around. "Where did they go?"

"Forget it, we have to pack up ,the police will have heard all the gun shots and explosions." Another said.

"What do we care? They use clubs for god's sake, we can take them!"

"Not if they bring in military assistance." The second soldier shoved the first one. "Idiot, now get going!" They all ran back to prepare to evacuate.

Lok sighed in relief. "Well that was close."

"Call your ship and tell them to meet up with us here." Tak barely glanced at him as she activated the engines and took off.

"Right," Lok opened his communicator. "Loe this is Lok-"

"Lock what?" Zm shouted over the link.

"ZIM!" Both Irkens shouted at the same time.

"You dare to try and lock the almighty ZIM?" Zim shouted.

"How the hell did you get on my comm. link?" Lok shouted.

"I hacked into your ships' transmitters before you left so I could keep an eye on you." Zim sounded proud of himself. "Pretty creepy huh?"

"Uh...actually yes, that is very creepy." Lok said.

"Why thank you."

"Uh...that was NOT a compliment." Lok sighed.

"Zim! Get off the line!" Tak snapped.

"Hey! You owe me for disabling my base and losing my robot bee!" Zim shouted.

"Your robot bee shot down my ship!" Lok snarled.

There was silence for several moments. "YOU OWE ME A NEW ROBOT BEE!"

"YOU OWE ME A NEW SHIP IF IT ISN'T IN WORKING ORDER! IT WAS WORTH TEN THOUSAND MONIES!" Lok shouted.

"MY BEE WAS WORTH TWENTY THOUSAND!" Zim shouted back.

"Bulumasc crap!" Lok scoffed.

"Uh...Lok?" Tak accessed her computer and displayed one of her memories from her days on Irk.

It showed her walking through a market, and stopping at a stall that sold...

"Robot bees! Get your robot bees!" The vendor shouted. "On sale now for only twenty thousand monies! Get them while they're cheap!"

Lok stared at the screen. "No way...no way!...No. Florping. Way! That tiny robot that just flies around with a big stupid smile is worth more than the Para-Hunter?"

Tak sighed. "Zim, if you have nothing else to-"

"Zim has some important information, so shut up!" Zim snapped. "I had my computer hack into the security at that air port and shut it down so nobody saw you out of your pitiful disguises of dooky! Zim also took the liberty of hijacking the camera in the hangar where the worm baby known as MacDonalds-" Obviously Zim confused Seth MacDonald for the restaurant. "Kept his jet. Take a look."

An image popped up on Tak's computer.

It showed a certain big headed child placing something in the plane while a human woman with a gun covered him.

"Behold the Dib and all of his big headed infuriating annoyance!" Zim shouted.

"Wow...you could park two Massives on there and have room for Blood Sport!" Lok said, amazed by the sheer size of Dib's head.

"Yes, yes you could, but the big headed worm baby put a tracking beacon in the pathetic aerial vehicle!" Zim stated. "Zim has acquired the beacon's signal and sent it to you."

"Wow...that's actually a big help Zim, thanks." Lok said.

"Of course it is a big help, I AM ZIM!" Zim shouted. "And Zim will not stand by as pitiful mud eating worm babies defile our superior DNA with their smelly DNA!"

"Uh...right, so how about you let me call my ship so I can chase him then?" Lok asked.

"Oh, sure, bye-WAIT!" Zim shouted. "I WANT MY ROBOB BEE-"

Tak cut the link. "Caught some interference there." She tapped in a command. "The line is jack free and jack-ass free."

"Thank you." Lok connected to the Para-Hunter. "Loe this is Lok, is the ship ready to go?"

"We're good to take off any time!" Loe replied.

"Good, we need a mid air docking procedure!" Lok said this carefully so Loe got the precise command. "Meet up with us over the channel between England and the mainland and bring us in. After that lock onto the frequency I'll send to you from my PAK and follow it."

"Got it Lok!" Loe replied moments before the pedestrians of one of the parks were interrupted when the lake exploded in an enormous burst of water droplets as the Para-Hunter shot out of it and into the sky.

"Oh dear." One man said.

"Quite indeed, this is terrible!" A woman added.

"I spilled my tea all over my trousers!" The man sighed, looking down at his soaked clothes and ignoring the alien ship that had come out of the lake, which was now just a big empty crater with fish one the bottom...along with a moose shaped statue.

Xxx

After collecting the two Irkens and taking several hours to rest, the group gathered on the bridge.

"Crude, primitive...yet effective, I could rip through light infantry armour with one of these in a few shots." Loe examined the AK-47 Lok had brought back with him. "Modern armour is designed to absorb and dissipate direct energy weapons or blunt knife attacks. But to have multiple, highly accelerated projectiles shot at you at once. Now heavy infantry armour and vehicles would be able to stand one of these firing at it for say...a few years of continuous firing, but regular infantry would find themselves quite vulnerable should the user of this rifle have precise aim."

"Can you replicate some munitions for us?" Lok asked.

"Maybe." Loe shrugged. "I'll look into the design details."

"The beacon has stopped." Larry turned their attention to his radar screen, showing an image of the planet, which zoomed in on the northern part of the continent they were flying over: Eurasia. "Somewhere in...Russia, looks like they've landed at a cozy little harbour."

"We can bet that the Big Headed Child will be in pursuit, he is quite persistent." Tak hissed.

"We can worry about how hideously gigantic the human's head is later." Lok said. "For now we need to capture MacDonald and make him tell us the location of the-"

"The beacon's dead." Larry cut him off.

"ALMIGHTY SHORTEST!" Lok cursed. "Lock onto its last position and GET US THERE NOW!"

"Fine, spaz." Larry grumbled before gunning forward.

Xxx

"Looks like the batteries died." Dib said as he and Natty watched the harbour from the back of the Swollen Eyeballs Helicopter with three other agents.

"We have their position, that's good enough." Natty replied. "Mothman, say hello to the Russian division's specialists."

The first agent was a middle aged man with his head shaved completely bald and was cleanly shaven of any facial hair. His brown eyes were locked onto the rifle in his lap. "Artur Kaminski, Agent Colossus, Team Leader."

"Former Police officer from Moscow, the Eyeballs found me after I stumbled onto...well...let's just say it was very big and wanted to crush me." Colossus chuckled. "I've heard much about you Mothman, welcome to Russia."

"Manya Kuznetsov, Agent Boogey, Mechanic, Medic, and Demolitions." Natty introduced a young woman with medium length dark hair and blue eyes.

"You investigated the boogey man?" Dib asked.

"And arrested him in the winter of ninety six." Manya chuckled as she shook his hand. "you investigated Moth Man?"

"And put him on display in the Swollen Eyeballs labs." Db said proudly.

"I see I was wrong to assume things before I met you then, I apologize. When I heard we were getting the youngest member as our team leader, I had doubts." Manya apologized.

"Ah it's okay, get that a lot." Dib shrugged.

"Kolya Pajari, Agent Witch Hunter, main fire power, sniper support, and hacker." Kolya was not as built as Artur, but was still bigger than Manya. He had short brown hair and a thin layer of facial hair. Hs eyes were bright green.

"I only joined two months ago. Found a witch hunter's ghost, he was trying to continue his uh...'job' on modern women, but apparently wearing pants was enough for him to consider the ma witch." Kolya shook his head. "I don't think he was good at his job, even compared to other Witch Hunters."

"When we go in, we'll disable anybody who gets in our way, lethal force s authorized if we meet armed resistance." Natty explained. "Dib is priority one. Protect him and escort him where ever he says we go."

"I managed to rig a Bio Scanner based off of technology from uh...a previous assignment." Dib held up the scanner. "Now, if this place is pouring out mutants, this will allow me to pin point the Irken DNA being used. So once we locate a building with large amounts of Irken DNA in it, we storm it, destroy any mutants, and take any samples. After I download or copy any information from any computers, we'll trigger an EMP and fry anything left behind."

"Irken?" Artur raised an eye brow.

"You won't believe me until after you see it with your own eyes, trust me." Dib said.

"Just stay with us and we'll get you inside, Agent Mothman." Kolya said with a nod.

"We're approaching our drop point!" The pilot shouted. "Get ready!"

"When we hit the ground, we don't stop moving until we reach the harbour!" Natty spoke up as the side doors opened. "Det charges?"

"Check." Manya nodded.

"Decoder?"

"Check." Kolya patted the bag on his back.

"Supressors?"

"Check." All three agents said at once.

"Tranquilizers?"

"Check."

"Stun grenades?"

"Check."

"EMP Bomb?"

"Check."

"Here we are! Good luck!" The pilot shouted as the helicopter lowered itself into a snow covered forest. (I don't know what the geography of North Russia is so sorry if I get anything wrong feel free to point and laugh)

The five agents hopped out. The three Russian Agents gripped their rifles and secured their balaclavas and helmets. Natty took a moment to check her Browning and Ghost Revolver.

"Eyeballs, move out!"

Xxx

End of chapter


	4. Chapter 4

The IDIOTs

_The Irken Gods favour the IDIOTs_

_The Rants of Kay the Homicidal Irken..._

"_Another day, one more man slaughter charge to go on my record...yeah...manslaughter, whatever they say. Your work can be extremely hard to get done when you have such a pissy little princess like Lok ordering your around, telling you whether you can or can't crash through a station here or drop a bomb on Devastis' power core-which I so wanted to do since Zim did. Honestly, I feel like a piece of cheese, I feel good right up until I'm melting in your mouth and feel weird, unless I'm pizza cheese, that stuff is delicious, and just like how Vortians give out their plans, I'm easy to take in right down the throat, maybe because I'm so small, or maybe because I'm so tasty and full of juice._

_Either way, I do know that if this camera drone doesn't stop following me around whenever I talk to myself, it will be 'Man Slaughter victim' Sixteen."_

_I own nothing, IZ belongs to Jhonen Vasquez._

Xxx

"AHH!" The Irken occupants of the Para-Hunter screamed as the ship did barrel rolls and loops.

"Can't you fly this thing straight?" Lok shouted.

"Where's the fun in that?" Kay cackled as she continued to torment her fellow Irkens with her manoeuvring.

"WHY DID YOU CHOOSE HER AS A PILOT AGAIN!" Tak shouted.

"I'LL BE HONEST, THE TALLEST DIDN'T GIVE ME A CHOICE BUT TO TAKE HER!" Lok wailed.

"WELCOME TO THE I.D.I.! WE HAVE COOKIES!" Kay laughed as she threw the ship into a dive.

The other three Irkens screamed as the ground began to approach rather fast. Tak and Lok held each other while Loe screamed for his Cold Unfeeling Robot Arm . Larry yawned. "Meh, well this is one hell of a way to go out."

Suddenly Kay pulled out of the dive, skimming the ground by mere feet. "LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!"

"NO!" Loe picked her up out of her seat and took her to her cabin where he locked her in.

Lok took over the helm. "HERE IT COMES!" He blasted through a hill and shot out over the harbour. "Activate optical stealth mode!"

A single guard stared with his jaw dropped at the alien space ship that vanished from sight right over him. He looked at his bottle of beer and dumped the alcoholic beverage. "Nikogda bolʹshe ne budu balovatʹsya alkogolem." (Never again shall I indulge in alcohol)

"What? You know I can't understand any of that Russian crap." A second guard with a southern accent growled. "Eh, I need a beer."

Xxx

"Ok, so what have we learned?" Lok, with a large bump on the side of his head asked with barely restrained rage.

"Uh...Kay is a terrible driver and you really should let me do the driving from now on?" Loe asked.

"You're all idiots." Tak growled.

"FLYING IS FUN!" Kay screeched from her quarters.

"...That's the most I can hope for from you all." Lok sighed.

"INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM IRKEN Larry's voice changed to a familiar cussing crime lord. "LOK YOU FLORP SLURPING PAK KISSER! ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!" Larry's voice returned. "Shall I open it?"

"Uh oh." Lok sighed. "Skloo." He raked one hand down his face. "Open transmission!"

A fat, red eyed Irken's face appeared on the main screen. "LOK YOU ONE EYED, ANTENNA CROSSING, MIDGET MUNCHING, HORN SWALLOWING BASTARD! WHERE'S MY DAMN MONEY?"

"I HAVE FIVE CYCLES TO GET IT TO YOU SKLOO!" Lok paused and composed himself. "Last I checked it has only been one and my mission is almost over."

Skloo grumbled. "I'm impatient and lazy, deal with it...and my pizza's late."

"I'm not the pizza delivery guy, remember?" Lok asked.

"You aren't? Oh, part of me wondered how you would go across the galaxy for five cycles and deliver my pizza in one tenth of a cycle at the same time." Skloo shrugged. "Still, GET ME MY MONEY OR 'LL LET DEST RIP YOU A NEW HOLE!"

"Meep." Lok squeaked. "Yes sir!"

Skloo cut the connection.

"What will we do?" Loe whimpered.

"We finish the mission." Lok said. "We'll finish it and let nothing stop us , or my name isn't Lok-"

"Lock what?"

"ZIM!" Lok looked to the main screen, but saw nothing. "What the-"

THUNKTHUNKTHUNK!

"UP HERE!"

Lok looked up, as did the rest of the team and saw Zim sitting on the top of the canopy with Gir, who was drinking a soda.

"ZIM! HOW DID YOU GET HERE?" Lok shouted.

"I snuck onto your ship before you left the London place and hang onto the outside ever since! I did it after I called you! Pretty creepy, huh?" Zim shouted through the canopy.

"Yes, actually it is!" Lok shouted up at him. "Look, if you want to help, then fine ,but don't mess up my mission for me! My life rides on the success of it!"

"Do not worry my Taller!" Zim snapped a salute. "Even though you damaged my beautiful base, I shall terminate all of the humans in our way!"

"Now we're talking. Can you crawl to the hangar from there?"

"I don't think I-"

"Try anyways!" Ignoring Zim, Lok and Tak left the bridge and went to the hangar.

Xxx

"So the guy on the inside is trustworthy?" Dib asked as Kolya tried to open the computer locked door.

"I assure you Agent Mothman; this agent is one of our best deep cover operatives." Artur whispered as he and Manya covered the group, sweeping the open yard with their assault rifles.

"It's open," Kolya whispered.

"Manya, up front." Artur ordered.

Many hang her rifle on her back in favour of a silenced pistol. She moved into the dark building, followed one by one by the rest of the team.

"Okay, take a look around Mothman." Artur said as he, Kolya, and Manya took up position along one side of the single room.

The building was three stories high, a simple square of cement with barred windows lining the west side of the room, revealing one of the main yards with a trail going through it that was marked with tire tracks from the vehicles in the base. The rest of the room only had some tables and counters with research notes and a few lap tops left around. Dib turned one on and immediately muted it as he took out his own computer to hack into it. A set of metal stairs spiralled up to the second and third floors.

"They definitely aren't Russian soldiers." Manya whispered as they spied on a patrol of guards. "Mercenaries most likely."

"Definitely," Kolya whispered. "American and British weapons, Russian vehicles and uniforms, and mixed race and nationalities. Last I checked Russian Army doesn't teach their soldiers to speak French," He pointed to where three soldiers were lounging by several snowmobiles. "or Italian, Chinese, and Arabic."

"So we know that this isn't a military base, that's for sure." Natty said. "Mothman, how goes the hacking?"

"I just finished the download." Dib disconnected his laptop. "Let's get going."

"Second floor and then the roof, we can rappel down into the motor pool and head for the officer's quarters from there." Artur shouldered his rifle and took out his pistol, leading the team up to the second floor. Dib used his digital camera to get a few clear recordings of some notes and hacked another computer, and then they were out on the roof.

"I'll go first." Natty whispered. "Cover me."

"Boogey, Witch, assume sniper positions and take out anybody who notices us." Artur whispered to the other two commandoes.

Manya took out and assembled a rifle with a silencer on it. She nodded as Kolya did the same, and they each knelt o neither side of Natty as she took a cylinder shaped gun out of her pack. She slid a hook attached to a cable in and locked onto one of the buildings overlooking the motor pool. She fired ,and the gas propelled hook shot across the air and sank into the wall. A pair of guards looked up ,startled, only to take a single bullet to their each of their heads from Kolya and Manya.

Natty slid one strap over the cable and attached the end to her weapon harness. She slid down and released herself as she passed over some snow. She landed without a sound, and got out of the snow. Pulling out her pistol, she signalled an all clear.

Artur went next, followed by Many, Dib, and Kolya.

They made their way through the rows of vehicles and into the officer's quarters nearby.

"Man, this is actually going flawlessly," Manya noted.

"I know," Kolya nodded. "Don't jinx it though, or we may find ourselves facing a stroke of bad luck."

"Good point." Manya said right before the team burst into the rec room and neutralized all seven officers without alerting any guards outside the building. Artur ordered Manya to initiate an interrogation of one while he, Kolya, and Natty stood guard over the other six.

Many sighed and pulled out a set of pliers. "I hate this part."

Xxx

Three Irken Invaders-well, one should-be Invader, one wannabe invader, and Lok who really should be an Invader with his height and talent were crawling through a vent.

"This is ridiculous! Why do we not just blast our way in and take what we wish?" Zim hissed.

"Because we need to make this look like it was done by another faction of humans. If we fail and the ring leader finds out aliens have found him out, he'd scrub the whole operation and we'd never find him again." Lok replied. "So shut it you mental midget."

"You dare to call Zim a-?"

"Tak, if he talks you can hit him a few times. From what I can tell of you two you'll both enjoy it either way." Lok glared at his two companions, and then continued on as silence reigned over the trio.

"Are these the specimens?" They stopped as they heard a human voice, male, with an accent to it spoke out loud from a vent cover up ahead.

"Yes Mr MacDonald. Specimens Sixteen through ninety five." A woman replied. "Specimens Ninety seven to one hundred are currently undergoing some experimental procedures. These are the majority of the products resulting from the project and shall be ready to exit their tanks in several hours."

"Excellent," Lok signalled for his companions to stay quiet and gestured for them to join him at the cover. They looked down at a large room filled with rows upon rows of tanks that were fogged up and filled with n unknown liquid. Each carried something within.

"Has there been any problems with disciplining the current subjects?" MacDonald asked.

"No sir," A middle aged woman walked into view of the cover with MacDonald. "But specimen ninety eight has shown some rather unusual thought patterns, I believe there may be a production defect of under one half of a percentage. She is rather...curious."

"What do you mean?" MacDonald asked.

"She asks about things that the others do not. She is like a child, learning at several dozen times the pace though. By now she has begun to obtain basic social skills and memorizes any form of logic given to her." The woman explained. "She is undergoing a new psychological suppression experiment in Cell D-3."

Lok glanced at Tak and whispered. "I'll climb down through here, you two move to the next vent cover in the room and be ready to jump down when give the go ahead."

Tak nodded. Zim slowly extended a tendril from his PAK and began to unscrew the vent cover, into aware that both Irkens next to him had been staring at him with frightened gazes, fearing he would reveal their position. Instead he perfectly and silently removed the bolts, collecting them and pocketing them. He moved the cover over slowly and grinned, whispering. "Surprised? I am Zim...!"

Luckily he knew when to keep quiet when he had to.

Lok climbed down through the vent and hang from it. Below him was an upper section of the massive room. The lay out was a rectangular room with a single set of sliding glass doors in the top right corner, and halfway to the top left corner was a set of stairs that went up to the upper section of the room, which had several consoles and a walk way that led along the left wall and far southern wall, lined with Plexiglas doors marked by numbers and letters. The bottom section held eighty or so of the tubes, which looked like larger versions of Smeet birthing pods.

So they were making hybrids! And they had a small army of them already! Lok's eyes narrowed as he watched the humans stroll among the rows of glass containers.

"When will we be ready for full production?" MacDonald asked.

"I estimate that within thirty days we can have a thousand. If funding increases afterwards, ten thousand by the end of this fiscal year." The woman replied. "If all goes well, a million by the end of the next year."

"Excellent," MacDonald placed one hand on the nearest tube. "Soon, so very soon I will be the creator of a new, superior race. Greater than the Irkens, humanity, or any other alien race out there. I will be a god and all who follow me my own personal legion of angels." He chuckled. "For now doctor, let us celebrate with a drink-"

The glass doors at the entrance slid open. Lok knelt behind the consoles and watched as three humans with rifles entered the room.

"Don't move! Don't move!" Lok's implants translated the words from one of the human languages, Russian. The leader was barking at them. "Down on your knees and put your hands on your head!"

The duo complied. One of the three soldiers, a woman shouldered her rifle and began to examine a computer attached to one of the pods while the second man in the group patted the scientist and MacDonald down for weapons-he took a pistol and a switch blade off of MacDonald.

Two more humans entered. One of them was the big headed child Zim had described, the other a taller, long haired female with an older human pistol in hand.

"What is the meaning of this?" MacDonald demanded.

"Seth MacDonald, we're the Swollen Eye Balls, and your whole operation is toast!" Membrane announced. "We're shutting you down and showing the world just what you've been up to."

"The Eye Balls..." Seth frowned. "Thomas could not let it go ,could he?"

"Thomas?" Dib raised an eye brow.

"Oh, yes, Agent Darkbooty as he likes to be called." Seth scoffed. "I know because you're talking to an agent, pointing guns at an agent. I am Agent Excalibur and you are interfering with a work of tremendous importance!"

"You _were_ Agent Excalibur." Agent Ghost Slinger scowled. "You murdered people, and conducted illegal experiments with alien tissue samples. This stops now MacDonald." She looked to Manya. "Status."

"The creature's life signs are stable." Manya reported. "Shall I disconnect the life support?"

"Do it," Ghost Slinger nodded and looked to Kolya. "Go find the five others that are in training and kill them."

Kolya nodded and rushed off, leaving Artur to guard the prisoners. Lok saw Kolya ascending the stairs and quickly activated his stealth generator. Kolya rushed past him and began to open the doors one by one to check them for mutants. Lok followed him, moving silently.

"Where are the first fifteen specimens?" Dib demanded.

"They have passed training and are already beyond your reach, child." MacDonald sneered.

"I can make this pig talk," Artur growled.

"Agent Colossus, you have the go ahead." Ghost Slinger said firmly.

"It will be a pleasure," Artur shoved MacDonald to the ground by planting one foot in his chest. He aimed at MacDonald's leg. "One chance, talk or I get nasty."

As MacDonald opened is mouth to reply, Kolya shouted from up above. "Boss! I-I think I found...somebody..."

Lok glanced into cell D-3, and his antennae twitched, his eyes became as big as dish plates, and his pulse raced.

Inside the cell was a single bed, and on it laid a young green skinned Irken female. She had a slim but healthy body, and oddly had had long black hair. She was asleep, clad in only a simple white dress while a device was hooked up to her forehead. The device was the size of a microwave and had a screen on it monitoring her vital signs.

"My god..." Kolya whispered.

"Kill it, we have our orders." Natty called from below, not seeing the girl.

"I...I don't think I...I mean she's just a...she looks so innocent." Kolya shook his head.

"Agent, you have orders, now follow them!" Artur shouted.

Lok, sick of this, drew his pistol as the Irken woman began to wake up. She sat up on the bed, her hair falling in curtains and covering the right half of her face while her left eye opened, gleaming like an amethyst-just like Lok's eyes!

Kolya felt a pistol jam itself into his back. "Drop your weapons or I'll shoot him!"

Artur, Manya, and Natty spun, weapons aimed at Lok as he reappeared.

"Another Irken!" Dib gasped.

"Drop it," Lok hissed to Kolya, who dropped his assault rifle and put his hands over his head. Lok put the human between himself and the humans. "The rest of you, lower your weapons, NOW! No warnings!"

"Do it," Ghost Slinger said bitterly, lowering her pistol, the other agents following her example.

"Who are you?" Dib demanded.

"My name is Lok, and I am calling the shots now." Lok growled. "NOW!"

Tak burst out of a nearby ceiling panel, holding her pistol and aiming at the agents. Zim fell out and landed on his head. "Ouch!" Getting up, her recovered and crossed his arms. "So Dib-stink, finally it's just you, the amazing ZIM! And a bullet." Zim raised his gun...which clicked as he pulled the trigger once, twice, three times. "Eh?"

"Uh...I didn't tell him how to turn the safety off," Lok whispered to Tak.

"Good call," She replied. "Now what do we do?"

"Take this," Lok shoved Kolya into her grasp and picked up the discarded rifle.

He looked at the confused and frightened Irken, who had disconnected herself from the machine and was curled up on her side. Lok slung the rifle over one shoulder and took slow steps into the cell.

"Lok, where are you going?" Tak shouted.

"Just hold on!" Lok replied, only raising his voice a bit.

He knelt next to the shivering Irken/Human/whatever else had been thrown into the mix hybrid. He put one hand on her shoulder, and she recoiled from his touch. He gripped her arms and pulled her up despite her wailing. She sounded like any Irken or human.

"Let go of me!" She tried to beat on his chest with her fists, but Lok's grip was iron strong.

"What are you doing to her- ugh!" MacDonald groaned as Artur punched him to keep him from getting up.

"Move again and I'll kill you faster than E.T will." The Russian Agent threatened the Scottish businessman.

"There were a large amount of captured scientists brought here to perform these experiments," Lok announced as he came out of the cell, the Irken/human hybrid slung over one shoulder with her hands and feet cuffed together and then both sets of cuffs were linked by a third pair under his arm to keep her from escaping. "Where are they?"

"The aliens would not talk," Seth hissed in pain. "I killed all but the Irkens ones and drained their PAK memory cores."

"Tak, be a dear, hack in and erase all files related to this sick project." Lok said to the purple eyed Irken.

"I'm a little busy," Tak replied, gun locked on the humans.

"Good point...Zim...do you have Gir with you?" Lok asked without glancing at the red eyed Irken.

Suddenly a pie fell out of the vent before Zim could respond.

"...that was random-" Lok started.

BOOM!

The pie exploded, revealing Gir. "IT'S ME! I WAS THE PIE ALL ALONG!"

The occupants of the room stared at the defective robot.

"Uh...hook him up to a computer." Lok said.

"On it," Zim shrugged, pulling a cable out of Gir's head and strolling over to one of the computers built into the wall. "But I don't see how this will- WHOA!" He plugged Gir in and watched as sparks flared from the console.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" MacDonald shouted.

"I was right!" Lok grinned. "That dumb tin can just down loaded a ton of viruses that overloaded your system! I knew it had shit in there!" He raised one hand in the peace sign. "Victory for Lok!"

The Irken girl on his shoulder whimpered, the loud noises frightening her.

"Now my comrades, onwards to safety!" Lok proclaimed...right before multiple soldiers burst into the room. The Eye Balls spun and opened fire on them, taking cover in the maze of tanks occupied by now dead or dying experimental hybrids.

"What do we do now?" Tak shouted as the three Irkens took cover.

"Follow my lead," Lok said seriously...and then let out a scream as he leaped down to the next floor, extending his PAK legs and firing the built in lasers as he rushed through, holding the hybrid over his head as though she weighed nothing.

Confused, both Zim and Tak followed his example and fired their PAK legs as they rushed through the fire fight. Soon they reached the door, which Lok shattered with two of his PAK legs and continued on, bowling over two surprised soldiers.

"LOE! LOE! WE NEED PICK UP! WE NEED IT NOW!" Lok shouted. "LOE! ANSWER ME!"

Xxx

"Was...this your card?" Kay held up a red nine of diamonds.

"For the tenth time, no!" Loe groaned, ignoring the radio.

Xxx

"Larry here," The AI yawned. "Go ahead."

"Larry, get Loe on the line!" Lok ordered.

"Can't," Larry replied. "He's being an ass-tard."

"HE HAS THE WORST TIMING EVER! JUST PICK US UP! WE'RE BEING CHASED!" Suddenly one bullet, coming from a Squad Automatic fired by a pursuing guard, out of the hundred or so bullets fired managed to hit Lok...and took off his right antenna.

In that moment the world stopped. Lok stood with his blood running down his head, holding an Irken/Human hybrid over his head, one half of his right antenna on the ground at his feet. He slowly set the hybrid into Tak's arms as the purple eyed female rushed back to him after nearly leaving him fifty feet behind.

"What are you doing?" Tak shouted.

"They..." Lok hissed. "Are..." He suddenly whipped out his AK47. "FLORPING DEAD LIKE A BANNANNA! RAH!" He spun and rushed into the oncoming horde of soldiers, firing his rifle and catching them off guard. A dozen guards and an entire clip later Lok tossed his rifle away, reared back one leg, and kicked the first guard...right in the groin.

"OW MY BALLS!" The man fell over.

Lok repeated this...but the next guard was a woman. Despite the kick hurting a bit, she just glared at him, and slapped him once.

"...I definitely deserved that one." Lok sighed before just punched the woman, knocking her out.

Zim and Tak watched with eyes wide and jaws dropped as Lok single handily took down a dozen more human soldiers with only his fists and feet. When he was done he stood, gasping for breath and covered in his own blood.

"I really...hate it...when people touch...my antennae." Lok said as he regained his breath. "Especially cutting it off! I need these to hear things!"

"Uh...you know we can reattach it, right?" Tak asked.

"...Oh." Lok looked around. "sorry for the mess." He dropped Twenty Monies. "Here's for the dry cleaning gentlemen." He collected his rifle and joined his team. "Let's get out of here!" He scooped his antenna up and they were off.

Xxx

"Uh...Dib? Was that the crazy alien you kept talking about?" Natty asked as Many, Kolya, and Artur wiped out the last of the guards in the room. MacDonald and his assistant had escaped in the fire fight, leaving the Swollen Eye Balls alone.

"It was Zim! And that purple eyed female was Tak! I never met that Lok guy until now though." Dib looked at the carnage left behind. "Man, alien mutant babies, more Invaders, this can't get any weirder."

Xxx

"Lok! I'm picking up a power signature close to your location, a very big one!" Loe exclaimed.

"It must be one of the pathetic Human Nuclear Reactors," Tak said. "Forget about it."

"This isn't nuclear Tak, the readings..." Loe gasped. "Lok, I think I know what it is, but you'll have to get it for me to have a complete scan of it."

"Why should we waste time retrieving it?" Zim demanded. "Victory is ours! Victory is ZIM'S!"

"Because when Loe says something is important ,he never says it for no good reason," Lok grunted. "Where is it Loe?"

"Make a right ten feet ahead!" Loe replied.

Lok obeyed his analyst and was faced with a massive set of security doors marked 'AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY-DELTA RESEARCH.'

"I'm opening the door," Loe announced, and no sooner than he spoke did the security doors slowly hiss open, revealing a large circular room. The lights were dimmed down, and in the center sat a pedestal with something on t. It was small, and made of some metallic material...

"By the shortest!" Zim shouted.

This startled their captive, who squirmed and whined again. Tak kept her secured as Lok examined the source of power Loe had mentioned.

"Loe, what is this?" Lok asked.

"Have you the brain worms Lak?" Zim shouted. "That is Veniran technology! Ancient Veniran technology!"

"How would you know this?" Lok and Tak stared at him.

Xxx

_**Several years ago...**_

"_So...what's this?" Zim asked as he looked over Skoodge's shoulder at the file he was reading._

"_Meh, a file on ancient Veniran technology, I'm hoping to get extra credits in class with this." Skoodge shrugged._

"_Zuh?" Zim stood there, watching as Skoodge looked over ancient Veniran weaponry and equipment. Finally he walked away to get some nachos._

Xxx

"And those were some good nachos." Zim concluded his story.

"The idiot is right Lok!" Loe said. "That is a Veniran Ascendancy Gauntlet! Those things are worth...like...over five trillion times as the Para-Hunter!"

Lok's jaw dropped, and purple dollar signs appeared in place of his eyes. "Ch-ching!" He wringed his hands together. "Major pay day!"

"No, not major pay day!" Loe dismissed his dreams of wealth with those five words. "This thing was designed so that after it was built it would only ever bond to one person!"

"Bond?" Tak raised a non-existent eye brow.

"Venirans, before the Empire conquered them had an elite group of assassins who could eliminate tens of thousands of Irkens single handily," Loe began to explain. "They gave these assassins the best weaponry and equipment available. The Ascendancy Gauntlet is the first and most basic component of their weaponry. Each Ascendancy is designed to bond to the first organic being to come into contact with it, and permanently fuse itself with said being. It will literally become a part of who ever touches it, and it will just be another life support machine like your PAK!"

"Why did the Veniran Assassins use them then?" Lok asked.

"Because they give the Venirans who wield them the ability to unlock components of their DNA, either chromosomes which have long since been rendered useless by evolution or others which have yet to take a role in shaping the Irken or Veniran genome. They also would make it possible for Venirans to use some of the most classified and deadly weaponry and technology made by the Veniran Empire!" Loe continued. "This thing is powerful, but it makes you into a walking target, it sends out a beacon that the empire has traced the frequency of centuries ago in order to make sure that no Venirans or rebels get any ideas of using these things."

"Well the empire already knows where am-well Red and Purple do," Lok reached forward. "And that power..."

"THEY DECREED ANYBODY WHO USES THEM WILL BE DEST-" Too late, Lok tapped the metal exterior of the gauntlet. "Royed..."

For several moments the room was silent. Lok examined the gauntlet, rapping on it with one fist. "Maybe its busted. Was it supposed to automatically link to me?"

"Uh...actually yes, the gauntlet is supposed to be self aware and capable of making decisions based on its written protocol." Loe answered, confusion lacing his words. "I don't get it."

"Ah well, maybe you're right anyways Loe, I don't think I'd want this thing to mess my life up any more than it already is." Lok chuckled.

"Finally, you say something that makes sense-"

"AH!" Lok cried out as the gauntlet suddenly snapped open and came down on his wrist. It had grown tiny spider legs and had launched itself at him. Reacting, he had thrown his hand up to ward it off, only for it to clamp down on his flesh. It ate through his sleeve and then through his flesh.

Clenching his teeth, Lok fell to his knees, his good hand clutching at the gauntlet in an attempt to remove it from his wrist. "Its- its going right to the cells! IT won't come off! FLORP, HELP ME!"

Tak dropped the hybrid and rushed to Lok's aid. Zim joined in after a moment, and the three Irkens vainly attempted to remove the Veniran Ascendancy Gauntlet. Lok's groans of discomfort became howls of pain. He broke free from Tak and Zim and slammed his fist into the wall repeatedly, denting the thick metal. Finally, he collapsed without a word, his now gauntlet covered arm held out for them to see.

The gauntlet had been shorter and bulky, barely a third of the length of his arm, meant to fit the wrist of a Veniran instead of an Irken's arm. Now it was long, and smoother. It was entirely silver, with tiny cables barely thicker than the human pinky finger attaching into the flesh at his elbow and wrist. It had several control keys on it along with a screen. It seemed to fit his arm perfectly now, barely adding too much mass to the limb.

"It bonded to him!" Tak took out her scanner and examined the Ascendancy Gauntlet.

"Great Splorchamheimer!" Zim cursed. (And no this will not connect to Kill Zim)

"Uh...guys? His vitals are off the charts!" Loe shouted. "Get him out of there!"

"I'm busy carrying this thing he wanted to keep!" Tak growled, referring to the hybrid. "Zim, take him!"

The red eyed Irken hefted Lok up. Despite his short stature Zim was physically strong, even for an Irken. With some difficulty he kept Lok off of the ground and activated his Spider legs. "Forget our cover, the majority of the creatures are dead and the rest will die soon enough. Let's just get out of here!"

"For once I agree with your plan Zim!" The two Irkens shot through the corridors on their spider legs, passing a stunned guard or two or some frightened workers. They came out into the snow covered man yard...and face to face with the barrels of several dozen weapons.

"Do not move! We have you surrounded!" A woman barked through a megaphone. "Return the hybrid and surrender, or we shall open fire!"

"Uh..Loe, do we have a contingency plan?" Tak whispered as she and Zim stared at the amassed human soldiers.

"Just the one. Hold still." Loe ordered them with a firm voice.

"FIRE ON THREE!" The woman, who wore a military dress uniform with a coat shouted from the bed of a truck that was parked behind the line of soldiers shouted. "ONE!"

"Hurry up..." Tak whispered.

"Show no fear my comrades...and Tak...and weird Hybrid thing...and Lak." Zim lost confidence with each word, and then shot right back to his arrogant tone. "SHOW NO FEAR!"

"TWO!"

Suddenly all four targets were consumed by pillars of light.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

Hundreds of bullets were fired in an attempt to stop them from escaping ,but they went right through the Irkens and hit the building or ground.

"They have escaped!" MacDonald swore in celtic and then faced the woman. "They have one of my hybrids! If they manage to find the surviving specimens then they can-"

"Don't worry," The woman said as she lowered the megaphone. "I'll see to it that they don't ruin our plans any more than they already have. Your Back-up facilities are still secure, correct?"

"Aye, they are."

"Head to one and start main production there then, and allow me to hunt these Irkens down." The woman brushed some black hair out of her eyes, revealing one hazel eye, and one grey, metallic eye with a glowing ring of green light. "The Swollen Eye Balls' team escaped also, and they took quite a bit of data with them, I shall make sure to hunt them down next."

Sarah Sinclair, AKA: Agent Ghost Eye looked at a folder held in her free hand. She could see a picture of Natalia 'Natty' Sinclair, or better known as Ghost Slinger in the Swollen Eyeballs. But Sarah knew her better as simply her twin sister.

"Well sis, looks like your days with the Eye Balls are starting to get interesting." Ghost Eye chuckled. "How did they find out about this place?"

"The boy, Agent Mothman discovered our off world transmissions." Seth growled. "He has compromised our whole agency and even led those Irken agents to us!"

"He'll die too," Sarah assured him. "All in good time sir ,all in good time."

Xxx

"Good timing!" Tak sighed in relief as she and Zim set the hybrid and Lok down on beds in the medical bay, where they had been teleported to.

"I aim to please! We're already breaking orbit." Loe said as he entered the room. "Larry, run a bio scan, see if there's any chance of removing that gauntlet."

"I already did," Larry sounded annoyed. "No chance, zero, zip, Nada, zilch, absolutely not. That thing is stuck good and tight and fused with him right down to his very cells. Those Venirans were called geniuses for a reason."

"Ah florp, so when he wakes up we don't know what that thing will do to him." Loe said. "It could make him turn against us or go on a homicidal rampage, I haven't ever seen an Irken use one of these things. Hell, I've never seen anybody use one."

"Just in case, I'' stand guard. I want to take a closer look at the freak of nature he just brought back." Tak leered at the frightened hybrid.

"On-board protocol dictates no interrogation, torture, or medical battery of prisoners unless authorized by the Captain." Larry cut down her dreams of dissecting the hybrid.

"Hey...she's actually pretty cute," Loe walked over and helped the hybrid sit up. "Hey there, do you understand me?" Upon receiving a nod, Loe continued. "Good. Now, I'm going to take the cuffs off of you. Can you promise me you won't try to do anything to escape?"

She nodded quickly.

"Honest?" She nodded again.

"Good." Loe unlocked the cuffs on her wrists and feet. "My name is Loe, do you have a name?"

She tilted her heard. "Sierra Niner Eight."

"A human designation," Zim growled, disgusted.

"Sierra...yeah, how about Sierra?" Loe smiled. "That sounds like a nice name."

"Are you defective or something? Why are you being nice to it?" Tak hissed.

"Uh...because I'm defective?" Loe raised a nonexistent eye brow as he faced the two Irkens. "Isn't that why you're both here?"

"What?" Tak took a step back.

"I thought you were new additions to the team or something," Loe shrugged.

"What team?" Zim asked. "TELL ZIM NOW!"

"The Irken Defective Infiltration Or Termination department." Loe explained. "OR as we're know, the Idiots!" When he said this, some dramatic music played from the speakers. "I designed Larry to do that whenever I say 'The Idiots'!" The AI repeated the dramatic music notes.

"De-defectives? Working for the empire? Impossible!" Tak shouted.

"Oh it's possible. Tallest Purple organized it and Tallest Red approved of it." Loe shrugged. "We're really the only team at the moment, the first team actually, but we get empire support and no questions are ever asked. Lok is our main leader and the Tallests' Hunter! They made IDIOTs because he was so useful they couldn't afford to throw him away for a minor psychological and emotional defect."

"But this s not right!" Tak shouted. "I can understand Zim being here but I am NOT defective!"

"According to the scanners built into Larry, you have emotional defects and OCD." Loe pointed out. "You have obsessed with becoming an Invader to the point beyond regular Irken motivation. If you were a regular Irken Larry would have had alarms blaring since the only time we ever let normal Irkens on is to kill them...or they're trying to kill us after they force their way on."

"YOU DARE TO CLAIM YOU WORK FOR THE EMPIRE?" Zim shouted. "DEFECTIVE SLIME! I SHALL-"

"ONLY I GET TO SHOUT!" A pink blur slammed into Zim and Tak. Kay grinned stupidly as she sat on them, and scratched the side of her head with her left foot like a dog scratching its ear. Tak was pinned under Zim, their faces barely an inch from each other.

"How could Idiots be a part of the empire without anybody working?" Tak asked as she shoved them both off.

"It's all hush-hush. Tallest Purple was willing to nterview Lok after he found his teddy bear for him on the Junk Planet of Garbagonia." Loe replied.

Xxx

Several years ago...

"He,he,he,he,he,he,he! Teddy!" Purple giggled as he hugged the stuffed animal. "alright little defective dude, you have yourself a deal!"

"Thanks my Tallest, but before we begin I have to ask something of your guards." Lok said.

"What is it?"

"Well make that two things-" ZZZT! "Could they stop shocking me or at least lower the level so it isn't-" ZZZZTTT! "Oh almighty shortest that hurts!" Lok cringed in pain.

"alright stop shocking him!" Purple order. Hs guards stood down.

"Ah, thank you my tallest, now for my second request...GET THIS THING OFF MY LEG!" Lok wailed as he tried to shake a giant mutant rat monster that was trying to eat his foot.

"How did you get onto the ship with that thing?" Purple asked.

"A very interesting story...which the dock master will remember forever." Lok said awkwardly.

"Well, anyways, I'll run the idea by Red and see where it goes from there." Purple walked off. "He,he,he,he! Teddy!"

Lok looked around as the guards left. "Hello? Giant Demonic Rat attached to my leg! A little help?" There was no response except for a cricket...which Lok promptly vaporized with his pistol. "Ah forget it, I saw donuts in the cafeteria." He walked off with the rat now walking alongside him, a big smile on its face. "Hey! You don't touch my donuts!" He wagged a finger at it, making it slump its shoulders. "...oh alright, you get the leftovers from any table we pass by, but don't make any sounds. If anybody asks, you're the pet of my Cold Unfeeling robot Arm." The Giant flesh Eating Demonic Rat Mutant nodded eagerly.

They walked off ,a new friendship forming.

Xxx

"Wait, how did you know that happened if you weren't there?" Zim asked.

"Uh...I'm an IDIOT?" Loe asked.

"Now when you say that do you refer to your position or...?"

"Position, I'm supposed to know this stuff. In fact I know what you had for lunch last Thursday! Pretty creepy huh?"

"It is!" Zim smiled. "We're both creepy!"

"I know!" Loe said, giggling like a teenage girl as he and Zim hugged.

Tak gagged. "I can feel my sanity dropping by proximity!"

"Oh that's expected," She spun around and came face to face with...Lok! He was awake and seemed unaware of the Veniran Gauntlet that had attached itself to his right arm as far as she could tell.

"You're awake!"

"Duh, why wouldn't I be?" Lok gave her an inquiring look.

"What is the last thing you remember?" Loe asked as he walked over.

"The last thing I remember before I woke here and hearing something about Tallest Purple's Teddy Bear was a...I think that it was some unbearably horrible pain in my-" He looked at his arm as he raised it. "Arm and- GREAT ALMIGHTY SHORTEST! SPLROCHAMHEIMER! DOMNIS CATIANAR!" He cursed in multiple languages as he ran around. "GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!"

Tak, Zim, Kay, and Loe watched their 'fearless leader' run around screaming like a smeet. Tak sighed and smacked herself in the face. "Idiot."

"Too true!" Loe and Kay said as Lok continued to slowly destroy their hearing capability.

Xxx

End of chapter


	5. Chapter 5

The IDIOTs

_The gods favour the IDIOTs_

_The Log of Loe the Stressed Irken_

_Doo-dee-doo-doo-doo...what the? Why are you in my room? How'd you get on this ship? HELP ME! A CAMERA DRONE IS TRYING TO STEAL MY MAGAZINES! AH! (a pillow blocks the camera, which loses connection)_

Xxx

"Doo-dee-doo-doo-doo." Loe stuffed what was left of what he claimed was an intruder out of one of the air locks. "So where were we again?"

"Oh well I freaked out for a few hours," Lok explained from where he sat at the command chair. "You went to jack off to Play Irken, Kay went to kill one of the victims she has locked up in her room...Tak and Zim went on a hissy fit about us being defectives...and then I got bored and shut my ears off until I read your lips just now...why do you ask?"

"You can read lips?" Loe asked.

"You can turn your ears off? You don't even have ears!" Kay added.

"Fine, antennae, long pointy things of hearing, head sticks of doom, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT WE CALL THEM! I ONLY HAVE ONE LEFT NOW!" Lok pointed out his severed antenna.

"I did say I'd reattach your other one, I even have it on ice." Larry yawned.

"Then what's the damn hold up?"

"Zim's retarded robot barricaded itself in the infirmary and Zim barricaded himself in the cold storage where your antenna is being held." Larry replied. "Oh, and we have an incoming transmission from Irk."

"Oh great, who is it?"

"Skloo."

"Him again! Damn it it's not even a third of a cycle since the last call!" Lok opened the transmission. "Yes?"

"I'M SICK OF WATING! GET ME MY MONEY OR YOU'RE DEAD-and what happened to your antenna?" The fat Irken crime lord asked.

"Don't ask," Lok sighed, sick and tired. "Skloo, my mission is complete and as soon as I get back to Irk I can get you your florp damned money! So if you don't mind, STOP CALLING ME! I HAVE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH! I ONLY HAVE ONE ANTENNA LEFT! THAT'S LIKE GETTING HALF NEUTERED! YOU'LL GET YOUR MONEY WHEN YOU GET T SO SHUT THE FLORP UP FOR THE LOVE OF MIYUKI!-!-!-!-!-!-!" He cut the link on the surprised crime lord and faced his astonished crew.

"Wow...you stood up to him for once boss!" Kay said. "You were so cool just now!"

"You've got balls man," Loe clapped.

"Maybe he'll take the hint." Larry suggested.

Xxx

"That disrespectful, ungrateful, PAK sucking, horn licking, antenna choking, under developed SHIT HEAD!" Skloo roared. "DEST!"

The legendary Irken sighed and looked up from where he was playing poker with some guards-and winning. "What now?"

"GO KICK LOK'S ASS!"

"On it," Dest left the room immediately. "Finally ,something to do."

Xxx

"Okay, so I can't get an operation done unless GIR gets out of the infirmary...and I can't get the antenna for said operaton unless Zim gets out of cold storage so I can get my florping antenna." Lok paused. "Where's Tak?"

"She locked herself in your quarters." Larry said.

"SON OF A-" Lok paused and took a deep breath. "I shall remain calm...and deal with this in a mature manner."

He looked up. "Larry, deactivate the cold storage units except for the one containing my antenna. When Zim sees all of the meat in there he'll freak out."

"Why do we have meat anyways?" Loe asked.

"Shipment for the boys on Animania, remember?"

"Ah, I see."

"I deactivated the cold storage units." Larry said. "Your precious Antenna is safe and I'd say the meat will begin to thaw in an hour or so."

"Good, now to get GIR out." Lok said. "And I have just the idea."

"Uh...why don't we start by heading back to Earth and dropping our hitch hikers off?" Loe suggested.

"Coo complicated! I want my money ASAP so I can get Skloo off my back." Lok shook his head. "If I remember, GIR enjoys those Earth foods called...Tacos." He hissed the word. "I can make some...from the meat...in...cold...stor..." He trailed off. "Well, there's only a matter of waiting for Zim to get out and then draw GIR out. Tak can be handled after we land. Until then I hereby call upon the sacred command used by all commanders who are faced with the scenario of being unable to act against other enemies..."

...

"Coffee break."

"We're out of coffee." Loe held up an empty container.

"ALMIGHTY SHORTEST!"

"Incoming transmission from Irk!" Larry announced.

"Domnis Catianar, what now?" Lok marched up to his chair and sat down in it, arms crossed. "I am so not in the mood for this!"

"Opening channel."

Suddenly two very tall Irkens appeared on the channel.

"My Tallest!" All three crew members snapped to attention.

"Ah, Lok, good ,you're still alive." Red yawned. "Hey listen we have another problem we'd like you to take care of if you're not busy with that DNA infringement case."

"Well I managed to destroy the production facility and most of its subjects, but there were several that escaped. The scientists were all dead, but I managed to erase any data relating to the project from the human archives." Lok explained.

"But didn't you keep-" Lok put a hand over Kay's mouth.

"Anyways...I'm just on my way now, the only casualty suffered was my antenna, and all goes well." Lok smiled.

"Very well then," Red nodded. "As soon as you get back here, you'll be rewarded handsomely Lok-"

"Lock what?" Zim stuck his head out of a ventilation shaft.

"AH!" Purple let out a high pitched scream and leaped into Red's arms. "IT'S ZIM!"

"My Tallest!" Zim gave an upside down salute before he fell out of the shaft and onto his head. "Ouch." He stood up. "Invader Zim reporting!"

"Lok! Why do you have him with you?" Red demanded.

"Oh...well when I showed up I went to him for information. I ended up teaming up with another supposed Invader named Tak...and this guy tracked me and joined the mission. Surprisingly this wound isn't his fault in any way." Lok rubbed the end of his damaged antenna. "I guess in the rush I forgot to dump him into a black hole."

"Please do so as soon as possible!" Red pleaded.

"We'll see. I need to sort out this fine mess I'm in. Tak's locked herself in my room and-"

Purpled giggled. "Lok has a girl in his room."

"That is SO not the best time Purple." Red sighed.

"And with Zim's retarded robot in the infirmary I can't get my antenna re-attached." Lok continued.

"Good point, everybody knows losing an antenna is like being partially neutered." Red shuddered. "Okay, you're clear for extra time, but we still have this second mission, priority one. It's Invader Tenn Lok, she's been captured by the Meekroobians!"

Lok spat out a soda he was drinking...soaking Zim in it-the idiot never even acknowledged it. "What?"

"A Screwhead switched the addresses on two packages and sent her MegaDoomer to some unknown planet in the distant corner of the galaxy, and Tenn go defective SIR units!" Purple spoke up. "Now she's been captured and they moved her to Venira!"

"Venira!" There had been a growing rebellion on Venira. A rebel fleet had even taken orbital superiority over most of the planet.

"Yep, and we're pretty damn sure they'll down load her PAK memory." Red said. "You're the closest ship in the area. So while we get a fleet prepared to retake Venira, you will go an rescue Tenn. The last of the Veniran Occupation Fleet will brief you when you arrive."

"I shall work to remedy the situation at once my Tallest!" Lok snapped a salute.

"You'd better ,or no more free nachos for you!" Purple said.

"Tallest Red and Purple, out." Red cut the link.

"Larry, get that robot out of my infirmary and get my antenna ready for surgery." Lok looked up, a serious expression on his face. "We're going to Venira. And by Nacho Cheese we shall succeed or my name isn't Invader LOK!" He shouted dramatically as the room darkened around him.

After several moments, Zim looked at him."Seriously though, lock what?"

...

"Why are you reaching for your gun?"

Xxx

"Tak, open up."

"IF YOU OPEN THIS DOOR I'LL BLOW YOUR ASS OFF!" The female Irken shrieked.

"Tak, I am the commanding officer of this ship and your Taller, so you _shall_ obey me!" Lok growled. "Now get out of my room, NOW!"

He tapped his foot impatiently, arms crossed as he glared at the locked door. Suddenly it slid open a bit. Blinking in surprise, Lok leaned in, trying to see through...only for a steel toed boot to slam into his groin.

"ALMIGHTY SHORTEST!" Lok fell over, clutching himself in pain.

After three minutes of rolling around and cursing, Lok leaped to his feet. "Okay, that does it! ACTIVATE LASERS!" He snapped all four spider legs out and blasted the door open.

Tak cursed and unleashed her own spider legs, drawing out her pistols. They leapt at one another and collided, lasers firing and smoke filling the hall way.

ONE DRAMATIC FIGHT LATER

Lok and Tak sat across from one another, arms crossed and pouting. They were covered in bruises and scratches while Zim was rolling around screaming, covered in now thawed meat. Loe whistled as he and one of the Para-Hunter's cold unfeeling robot arms reattached Lok's antenna.

He suddenly shot up between their chairs, shrieking in pain. "AHHHH-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!" He hissed and said dramatically. "The pain..."

"Ok...and here we...go!" Loe smiled. "And I only chopped off two of your fingers by accident this time!"

"And managed to put them back in the right place, impressive." Lok held up his bandage covered left hand. "Larry, I need an ETA to Venira."

"Two hours." Larry yawned.

"Good, I'll be in my room until then. Keep Tak out of the armoury and keep Zim out of the fridge, he already ate all of my pudding cups and HALF THE DORITOS!" Lok snapped, standing up and stomping off to his room.

Tak watched him go, growling. 'I so want to kill him...but the Tallest sponsor him...am I really a defective like him? Can I still be useful as one?'

Xxx

"AH!"

The Para-Hunter shook as something detonated near its port side.

"OW!" Lok slammed into the roof of his bed room. "LARRY! ARE YOU WATCHING PORN AGAIN?"

"I told you I was curious! And no I'm not, that was Veniran Artillery pointing at us!" Larry shouted back.

"I told you to let me know when we arrive at Venira!" Lok growled.

"It's long range artillery meant for picking off ships before they enter the planet's Gravity Well, usually when we enter the Gravity Well I confirm that we've arrived." Larry explained as the ship shook again. "The Irken Fleet is too far out of range to help, we're taking damage fast!"

Lok rushed out of his quarters after pulling his clothes on and made his way to the bridge. "Report!"

"The auxiliary power is out!" Loe shouted. "And that last shot shorted out my PlayIrken data files!"

"Who cares? And put your pants back on!"

"Gah...kill joy."

_Zip!_

Tak and Zim rushed in as Kay avoided multiple lasers.

"We have a Veniran vessel holding position ahead of us!" Loe shouted. "It's a mining vessel, but it looks like the carving beams have been reconfigured for anti ship capabilities! That thing's supposed to be able to play chicken with an asteroid and win, with big guns on it who knows how strong it is?"

Lok stared ahead at the huge, slightly blockish hexagonal cylinder shaped ship. The mining craft looked like two hexagonal cylinders that were taller than they were wide. The first cylinder made up the entire ship ¾ aft while the forward section was smaller and sleeker. The carving beams were mounted on the underside and top of the ship, and were currently firing along with point defence guns added to the ship.

Kay squealed as she evaded multiple salvos with ease.

"We need to get to Tenn's location!" Lok opened his command console n the arm of his chair. "This is Hunter Lok to all Irken vessels! We are initiating a rescue operation, all ships are to form up and give us a distraction!"

There was no response.

"Uh..." Larry began uncertainly. "They told us to go florp ourselves."

"WHAT!"

"They have orders not to move until back up arrives, we're on our own!"

"CRAP! Kay, lock in on Tenn's signal, we'll get her out ourselves!"

"AYE AYE!" Kay cackled and charged the mining vessel. At the last second she jerked on the controls and the Para-Hunter moved along the hull of the ship, skimming it by inches. Every Irken-minus Kay began to scream as Kay continued to laugh. She came out on the opposite side of the ship, and Larry took the liberty of blasting the top Carving Beams using the Para-Hunter's turrets.

"Incoming!" Lok shouted as four Veniran fighters began to close in on them.

Suddenly, laser fire came from the planet and shot them out of existence. A pair of Irken Reaver Fighters shot by.

"Yee-haw!" One male voice shouted. "Got your signal from the planetside HQ Lok! We'll escort you!"

"Thanks! Stick close!" Lok replied.

The three ships continued to fight their way across Veniran space until they reached...something very very VERY big.

"Oh my gods..." Loe said. "A Veniran Mobile Citadel of War!"

The Citadel of War was one of the few things in the galaxy that could go toe to toe with the Massive-which was the size of a small country and live to tell about it. It was one large silver cylinder surrounded by multiple rings that held gun emplacements and ship docks. The very bottom of the station was in fact a giant Accelerator gun that could take debris and shoot it at such a speed that Irken ships would be torn apart by the dozens. It could hold millions of soldiers and was so powerful not even the planet's gravity well could hold the massive ship.

"Uh...who votes we avoid the giant Weapon of Mass Dooming?" Loe asked nervously.

"NONSENSE!" Zim raved. "Let them come! We shall show them the true might of the Irken Empire! Zim shall unleash his almighty Zimmy wrath of Zimmy DOOM!" He laughed maniacally.

Lok looked at Tak. "I see why you have a crush on him, you two go so well together."

SLAP!

"I deserved that one."

"Uh...guys, that is supposed to hold millions of fresh, powerful, well armed Veniran soldiers, right?" Larry asked.

"Yep, up until the 'Oh So Mighty _Skullene'_ is sent in to destroy that thing, Veniran tech is her jurisdiction." Lok crossed his arms.

"Well why are there only one thousand _Irken_ signatures and two hundred mixed species on board?" Larry asked.

"Irkens?" Lok's antennae twitched.

"Yes, and judging by the lack of full PAK power output...smeets."

"SMEETS?" All five Irkens shouted.

"Is there a freaking echo in me? YES! SMEETS!" Larry roared. "And Invader Tenn's PAK signature is on that ship also."

"Take us in silently and prepare to board!" Lok ordered. "Pilots, come with us! We'll need all the help we can get!"

"You got it!"

The three ships latched onto the central hull of the Citadel of War as it began to pull away from the planet. The Irken fleet avoided it like the plague and maintained position as it began to leave the system.

Xxx

"Alright, Rifles?"

"Check."

"Pistols?"

"Check."

"Energy knives?"

"Check."

"Concussion grenades?"

"Check."

"Breach Tools?"

"Check."

"Extendable anti-riot batons?"

"Check."

"Kay's leash?"

"Check."

"ARF ARF!" Kay grinned, her tongue sticking out to the side.

"Uh...Cool Matrix style clothing?"

"Definitely check." Loe moved around in his tight leather pants, which squeaked. "These so bring out the Irken in me!" He moved his hips back and forth.

"Uh...mental health insurance?"

"Check!" Everybody but Zim, Loe, Kay, and Lok said...basically only Tak and Larry said it.

"Damn, I really need to make my payments from now on." Lok finished strapping his equipment into place. "And where did all of my energy weapons go?"

"You had them replaced with human weaponry, remember?" Larry asked.

"Ah florp, oh well, Venirans should be vulnerable to them still." Lok shrugged. "What do we do with uh...Sierra-"

"Sierra Unit One reporting for duty." The Irkens turned to see Sierra, her curious and child like expression replaced with a cold, stony look as she stood at attention.

"Wha?" Lok paused. "Uh...at ease?"

"Sir!" Sierra nodded and relaxed.

"Uh...Larry?"

"The data you pulled shows that the humans pumped her mind full of human military protocol." Larry sighed. "But she has a defect, constant shifts in personality from childlike and useless to disciplined soldier."

"Um...Sierra, do you have combat training?"

"Sir! Yes sir!" Sierra said in a raised voice.

"Uh...awesome, suit up."

"Aye-aye sir!"

Xxx

Five Irkens and one Human-Irken hybrid stepped out of the hole that the Para-Hunter's Cutting beam had drilled into the hull and then covered with a pressurized metal pipe that extended out of the side of the ship. The Irken pilots did similar things with their fighters.

Sierra's hair was tied back from her face, and she was cradling a human assault rifle in her hands. She wore Irken SICK (Special Infantry Combat Kit) armour, as did the other Irkens.

One of the Irken pilot removed their helmets, revealing an Irken with dark green eyes. He had an addition to his outfit: a small picture of the Irken symbol with a pair of horns on it drawn on the chest plate. "Howdy there," He paused as he saw sierra. "What's this little cutie?"

"Sierra One, sir!" Sierra snapped a salute.

"Uh...yeah, so anyways, I'm Hunter Lok." Lok introduced himself. "I'm in charge of this mission, and our objective is to rescue Invader Tenn...but I have a secondary objective, to investigate why there are a thousand Irken Smeet signatures on board this ship."

"Smeets, huh?" The Green eyed Irken nodded. "Well I'm in, you can count on me boss! The name's Rik!" He began to spin his pistol in one hand expertly, and holstered it. "But the boys at the firing range call me Quick Draw Rik!"

The other pilot removed her helmet, showing a violet eyed Irken with the Irken symbol tattooed on her left cheek in black. She was chewing some gum. Blowing a bubble, she nodded to them. "Sir." Like Rik, she had what could pass as a southern accent. "The name's Elay, people call me Elay Sting Ray, call me E."

"We're both part of Venira's Elite Flight Squadron...well what's left of it anyways." Rik explained. "You can count on us to help!"

"Yeah, right, whatever- ZIM MUST KILL!" Zim declared. "Let these Veniran scum worms grovel at Zim's feet like the wormy meat worms that they are as I destroy them and their meats of evil!"

_**MEATS OF EVIL...**_

After several moments of looking around, Lok commented. "That was creepy."

"Thank you!"

"That wasn't a-oh forget it, let's go ,first stop is the holding area."

Xxx

There was surprisingly no security onboard, no guards or automated drones. The seven intruders reached a door marked 'Storage Processing'. It was marked with the Veniran sign for 'Security Level 3'.

"There'll definitely be guards behind this one." Rik stated.

"SILENCE! They will be nothing! Watch." Zim extended something out of his PAK.

"Uh, Zim?" Tak asked nervously. "What are you doing?"

Suddenly Zim's Spider Legs blasted a hole in the door, and he leaped through with a battle cry. "AYE-YA-YA-YA-YA-YA-YA!-!-!-!-!-!"

Inside were four Veniran guards who had been chatting up until Zim's intrusion.

"What in the-?" One raised his blaster, but Zim extended two segments from his PAK and formed a bubble shield as he ran. The shield lifted him off the ground, but kept moving with his momentum as the laser bounced off it.

"BOW BEFORE THE ALMIGHTY ZIM AND HIS SHIELD!" Zim cackled. "OBEY THE SHIELD!"

"Fall back-UGH!" The four guards were run over lke pins in a bowling alley.

"Curse you...Irken Elites," One groaned, falling unconscious.

The other Irkens stared in surprised.

"Wow...he really did it." Lok said. "Pay up Loe."

"Mother florper." Loe handed Lok a few monies.

The rest of the team joined Zim inside. Zim retracted his shield and beamed with pride.

"Good work short stuff." Lok commented as he passed Zim. "Let's go take a look at those Smeets-" He opened the next security door. "By the Tallest."

The room beyond was massive, made up of many pillars stretching up and down into darkness. The only lights in the room was the green glow coming from liquid filled tanks containing Smeets that were held in capsules attached to rings circling the pillars, rotating so each pod passed by the cat walk that stretched through the room. There were several other walks ways and empty pod rings...

But also a dozen very angry Veniran guards.

"INTRUDERS!" They opened fire, and the seven intruders took cover.

"YEE HAW!" Rik fired his pistol from cover, scoring a hit.

"BRING IT ON!" E shouted, firing two pistols and her PAK legs.

Firing a burst from his rifle, Lok rolled across from one side of the door to the other. "Grenade!" He tossed one concussion grenade out as he moved.

The Venirans looked down as the single grenade landed in front of them. When it blew up, three Venirans went over the side. The Irkens intruders began to push, firing their rifles-or in Kay's case sitting on Loe's head and cheering them on.

Soon only four Venirans were left to fall back through the doors. They closed as the Irkens reached it.

"HAH!" Zim shouted...before the door opened and thirty or forty Venirans charged it. "FLORP!"

"FIRE!" Lok shouted.

The Irken team began to lay down overlapping sets of laser and gun fire. Kay hopped off of Loe's head and began to fiddle with the door controls. The doors began to slide shut.

Soon it was so narrow that only Tak and Lok had room to fire. Tak put two rounds into one Veniran that rushed into sight, and Lok added three more into one that fired his rifle through the closing doors, which slammed shut and locked.

"YAY!" Kay cheered. "WE WON!"

Tak sighed and scooped the smeet up. Oddly, Kay curled up in Tak's arms and fell asleep. As the rest of the team spread out, Tak looked down at the smeet, the barest hint of a smile forming on her face.

"Why would they have so many smeets here?" Lok asked out loud.

"Why would they have any at all?" Zim added. "I mean, do you know how hard it is to get into, much less escape a Smeetery?"

Xxx

_Many years ago..._

"_Zim cannot stand this infernal prison anymore! Zim must see the world!" Zim shouted. "But Zim must be clever ,and sneaky..." He walked up to the guard. "Can I go outside?"_

"_Hm...I dunno, it's against da rules." The guard said uncertainly._

"_Uh...I'll give you a candy bar."_

"_Oh, in that case go ahead young one." The guard patted Zim on the head, took the candy bar, and let him out._

"_VICTORY FOR ZIM!" Zim rushed outside._

Xxx

"Uh...hey, this pod is dulling like those empty ones." Rik pointed out, tapping one pod on the side. "What do you think it means?"

Suddenly the Smeet's eyes opened...and it began to writhe, its skin beginning to shrivel and burn-

"ALMIGHTY SHORTEST! THEY'RE BURNING IT ALIVE!" Loe shrieked.

"Stand back! Stand back!" Lok ordered, strolling forward and holding up his Ascension clad arm. He slammed it into the pod, and shattered it open. The Smeet and the tide of liquid poured out onto Lok, who caught the Smeet and turned away from the rest of the liquid to protect it.

"It's happening here also!" Tak shouted, pointing to another pod.

"And here!" Zim watched as another Smeet woke in agony.

"Get them out of there!" Lok ordered.

Immediately they all rushed to the pods that were dulling. Rik slammed his pistol's butt into one pod until it broke open, E used her Spider Legs to crack one open and scoop the Smeet out through the top, Tak and Zim slammed their rifles into individual pods, Lok took out his energy knife and slowly cut one pod open, taking the smeet out and setting it next to the slowly growing pile of Smeets. It was a desperate race to rescue as many Smeets as they could, and having to listen to them scream in pan as they were slowly melted inside their pods. Only Sierra was not shaken by the sight and sounds as she smoothly cut into a pod and scooped up the smeet within.

Soon it was done, and a dozen wailing Smeets were left on the ground before the gathered Irkens.

"What the hell was that?" Rik shouted, cradling a wailing Smeet. "These bastards tried to kill these Smeets!"

"**Defect Purge Completed, now registering one hundred percent efficiency across the board.**" A female voice announced over the Intercom. "**Surviving subjects number a 994 Specimens.**"

"Specimens?" Lok looked at a green eyed Smeet he was holding. "Hey..." He turned it over. "They have no PAKs!"

"And yet they're not dying!" Tak said. "Smeets don't last more than a few seconds without their PAK after they've been activated in a Smeetery."

"Then how are they all here and uh...noisy?" Zim shouted, clutching his antennae.

"I want to find out, but first let's find Tenn-"

"Uh...boss?"

"Yes Loe?"

"Up there!" Loe shouted, pointing up to a pod ring one story above them.

Inside was no Smeet, but an Irken in an Invader Uniform who was struggling to get free. Her hands were shackled behind her and her PAK obviously not working. She was looking down at them with pleading eyes.

Not wasting time, Lok, Rik, E, and Sierra climbed up and worked together. Lok and E tore the pod open, and Sierra caught Tenn while E unlocked her shackles using a mechanism from her PAK to force the lock open.

Setting the traumatized Invader on the cat walk, they gathered around her. She was soaking wet, and her burns were healing. She was shivering, hugging herself. Rik draped a blanket he took out of his PAK around her shoulders.

"Invader Tenn," Loe knelt in front of her, one device coming out of his PAK. "I am Loe, I am going to give you a standard check up. Please follow this green dot." He moved a small device with a green dot back and forth, up and down. Her eyes followed it. "Alright, now hold still." He shined a light close to her eye, making her squint. "Eye sight's still good, no damage." He ran a scanner over her. "Outer layer of skin is healing at a rate of 4.23 percent a minute." He stood up. "She's good."

"Tenn," Lok took up Loe's position. "It's me, Lok, remember me?"

"L-luh-Lok?" Tenn asked.

"Lock what-" THWACK! "ow!" Zim nursed a bruise Tak gave him.

"Yeah Tenn, it's Lok." Lok nodded, smiling.

"Lok..."

SLAP!

Lok sighed as he nursed the hand shaped print on the side of his face. "I most certainly had that coming."

"YOU MOTEHR FLORPING LIAR!" Tenn leaped on him. "YOU STOOD ME UP!"

"I was on trial for being a defect!" Lok protested.

"AND YET YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!" Tenn began to strangle him.

"Quick! Give her the-" Lok gagged. "Quick! Give her the-" He began to choke.

"THE WHAT?" Loe screamed.

Tak rolled her eyes and jabbed a mild Irken Made Sedative into Tenn's neck. "There." Tenn began to lose balance and leaned on Lok.

"Ooh...you still smell good." Tenn giggled.

"Uh...thanks." Lok said.

"Uh..Defect?" Rik raised a nonexistent eye brow.

"Long story." Lok said quickly. "So tell me, who is in favour of not staying onboard the giant Veniran space ship waiting to die?"

"Aye!" Most of the group chimed.

"Wait, what about the other smeets?" Tenn pointed at the rows of Smeets in pods.

"Alright we'll take them too," Lok sighed. "And when we get off, I'll have to head for the next IDIOTs meeting."

"There's an IDIOT's meeting?" Loe asked.

"Oh yeah, I attend it once every few cycles."

Xxx

_Flash Back..._

"_All rise!" Lok announced._

_Several dozen Irkens stood up. "Idiot's Hand Shake please."_

_They all mimicked Lok as he made a funny face with his hands over where his ears would have been were he human. He spat his tongue out and wiggled it, and then hopped around making random noises. "Ok, all sit down." They sat down. "Now let us recite The Oath."_

_They all took out pamphlets._

"_I am an IDIOT. The Tallest may hate me, but I can change...I guess." They all recited the Oath. "Gods favour the IDIOTs."_

"_Amen."_

"_...hey, where are the marshmallows?" One Irken asked._

"_There are no marshmallows!" Lok shouted. "By Splorchamheimer you're an idiot!"_

"_Isn't that why I'm here?"_

"_No, you're here to get your ass kicked on missions so I can fly in and look good, get it right!"_

"_Wait, I thought this was a place where all idiots can uh...what's that word uh...be Undefective? And eat stuff and play video games?"_

"_The Tallest spent the fund on their nachos." Lok shook his head._

"_So I won't uh...uh...get...uh...better?" The Irken looked around. "Is that the word I'm looking for."_

_Lok sighed. "You'll make the perfect IDIOT."_

Xxx

"Uh..how are we going to carry over nine hundred smeets back to the Para-Hunter?" Loe asked.

"Hm..." Lok looked around. "I have a plan..."

Xxx

"The doors are open!" One technician shouted, and stood aside for the Veniran security team.

"Hurry, before they compromise the specimens!" A Vortian scientist said.

"Calm yourself Vortian, we shall handle-" The doors slid open. "...it." the last word came out as a squeak as a wave of Smeet filled pods flowed out, crushing the gathered aliens under their combined weight. Several Irkens rushed ahead of the tidal wave, shutting excess doors and hatches so that they slowly made a path leading from the Smeet Storage Chamber to the Para-Hunter's air lock.

"WOO HOO!" Lok was leading the uh...stampede of runaway Smeet Pods, while carrying four of the awakened Smeets in his arms. They were all enjoying the ride as much as Lok enjoyed the chase. "I LIVE FOR THIS STUFF!"

"AH!" Loe shrieked, running backwards on top of a Smeet pod in an attempt to not fall off while Kay was mimicking him, minus the screaming, and instead was enjoying herself as much as Lok.

"Am I the only one who thinks this whole plan should be implausible?" Zim asked.

"I didn't even know that you could pronounce that word!" Tak shouted as they, Rik, E, Tenn and Sierra ran ahead of the tide of pods.

"What word?"

"Implausible!"

"What?" Zim could no longer hear her over the roar of the Tidal Wave of Irken Cuteness right behind them.

"The air lock's up ahead!" Rik pointed.

Sierra left them behind and opened the air lock doors. All of the Irkens formed up and raised energy fields with their PAK legs so that they formed a funnel right into the air lock, which led to a Kinesis Beam that would hold the Smeet Pods without shattering them. The beam enveloped the entire Cargo Hold, leaving several feet from the walls, floor, and ceiling to keep the pods from crashing. Dozens at a time, they flowed into the Kinesis Field and began to float around slowly in the cargo hold. After over nine hundred Smeet Pods were inside, the Irkens lowered their energy fields.

"AWESOME!" Lok grinned.

"...Again, that plan was entirely implausible." Tak said.

"Meh, who cares? It worked ,didn't it?" Lok asked. "So who else think it is uh...imp-eemp-impluabable?"

"_Implausible,_" Tak corrected him. "Come on even Zim got that word right!"

"Well Zim isn't an IDIOT, now is he?"

Tak blinked. "Uh...do I have to answer that?"

"As your Taller I order you to answer me!"

"Uh...no..he...isn't?"

"HAH! Finally you acknowledge my superior Zimmy _Intellect_!" Zim cackled.

"Oh shut up and get in." Tak dragged Zim into the ship by his antennae.

"...I feel the love." Lok sighed. "And now...the most important thing...dial the IDIOTs and tell them I'll be late to the meeting. Tell them I said hi and I also recited the sacred oath of IDIOTs: I am an Idiot, the Tallest may hate me, but I can change...I guess. Oh, and tell Leek to stay out of my donut vault!"

"Why do you call him Leek?" Tak asked.

"Well one, it's his name. And second, every single leak, whether it is pipe, burning acid, precious, soda, raw sewage-which is something I'd rather not go on about or vital information being leaked, all had Leek's name on it." Lok explained as the group piled into their ships. "If you think he's bad, you should meet IDIOT Krashnburn."

"Uh... I won't ask."

Xxx

"So...think Lok's dead yet?" Red asked.

"Don't I usually ask that about Zim?" Purple replied.

"Yeah but Lok's part of _your_ pet project," Red pointed out. "So uh...I give you fifty monies at five to one odds he took Zim with him."

"You're on!" Purple replied.

"Very well then, five hundred gallons of nacho cheese that Zim stepped into Lok's mission without permission." Red challenged.

"Six hundred says Lok crippled his base!"

"I'll raise you another hundred that he also took that Tak girl with him!"

"And I raise you seven hundred that Zim kept listening in on their communications-that s still creepy by the way."

"I know ,thank you my tallest!"

"AH! They both spun and looked at the screen where the IDIOTs-and Rik and E were gathered on the Para-Hunter's bridge. "ZIM!"

"Yes, and I must register a complaint my Tallest! This mysterious Irken who refuses to share his name disabled Zim's BEAUTIFUL BASE!" Zim shouted. "I chose to stay on their mission by listening in on their communications, pretty creepy, eh?"

"For the tenth time my name is Lok!"

"Lock what?" both Red and Zim shouted.

"Oh not you too Red!"

"Uh...anyways...mission report?" Purple asked.

"Invader Tenn was successfully rescued!" Lok held Tenn over his head for them to see. "And also we rescued a whole bunch of Smeets who were being cruelly experimented on and melted down!"

"Put me down." THWACK! Lok nursed a bruise on his head as he set Tenn down.

"Anyways...we might need a Day Care ship-"

"DADDY!" Suddenly a dozen Smeets piled on Lok.

"URGH!" Lok sighed.

"Aw they are so cute!" Purple said. "They think Lok is their Cold Unfeeling Robot Arm!"

"I think it was from when I took them on that joy ride by riding a wave of Smeet Pods into my ship's air lock." Lok sighed as he stood up, holding a dozen Smeets that were hugging him to death. "Anyways...these twelve have kind of taken to me, but the rest are still in their pods, there is a chance that they can be returned to the system. These Twelve might need a Day Care Ship though." He sighed.

"No problem!" Red nodded...and then whispered to Purple. "Let's get those kids out of there before they start acting like Lok!"

"Oh, and my Tallest, I took the liberty of running a scan of these twelve." Tak spoke up. "I'm sorry to inform you that they are...well...Defective as a result of their duration as experimental specimens."

"How critical is it?" Red asked.

"Very critical." Tak held up one Smeet...and showed the PAKless state it was in.

"GREAT SPLORCHAMHEIMER! THE HORROR!" Purple shrieked.

"I know, the smeet has no-" Lok started.

"NO! I ran out of PIZZA!" Purple wailed, tossing away the box of pizza in his hands...and then noticed the Smeet. "PAKless Smeet?..." You could practically tell what went through Purple's head.

Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep-_**Record Scratch**_

"DEAR SPLORCHAMHEIMER THAT SMEET HAS NO PAK!"

"...I just said that, My Tallest." Lok face palmed.

"TOSS THEM OUT AN AIR LOCK!" Red shouted.

The Smeets began to wail.

Tak, Tenn, and several female Irken officer's on the Massive's bridge glared at the Tallest.

"NO! MINE!" All eyes went to...Lok, who was holding the Smeets close with his spider legs and arms as they clung to him. He blinked. "Uh...I mean...why don't I just set them up in a Day Care for Smeets and uh...visit them from time to time."

"Aw..." The female Bridge Officers cooed at Lok's attempt to cover up his affection for the Smeets.

"Lok, you do know the code for uh...taking car of Smeets, right? Especially Defective ones." Purple pointed out.

"Um...right! Teach them the IDIOT oath!"

"Idiots have an oath?" Tenn asked.

"Zim made oaths." Tak pointed out.

"Ah, touché."

"Not that Lok! The _other_ one!" Red sighed.

"Uh...you knock it up, you lock it up?"

"NO!"

"Uh..."

"You break it, you buy it! Meaning if you break these Smeets and make them as dumb as you, you'll have to pay for their therapy!" Red growled. "But aside from that...good luck! Oh, and we have a new bounty that's been set on you by some Crime lord named uh..." He looked at the list. "Sssss...kuh...loo..."

"Skloo? That Almighty Widest, Antennae sucking little-!" Lok paused as the Smeets began to wail.

"And you have Bounty Hunters, Assassin, Ass Kickers, Bad Asses, and asses of all types coming for you!" Purple said. "So you'd better hurry and do the right thing by getting those smeets to their Cold Unfeeling Robot Arms!" He paused. "And see if Robot Arm 25 is there still!" He sighed. "He was so nice to me while I was in my tube!"

"Uh...hey, who is that?" Red pointed at Sierra. "And why does she have hair?"

Lok reacted quickly and slammed a bald cap with a set of antenna down on Sierra's head, covering her hair. "What hair?"

"Hm...I thought I saw something...meh." Red shrugged.

"Alright, get those smeets to their robot arms and then report to Devastis, you have a new job." Purple ordered.

"What? What about my vacation?"

"We blew up the Vacation World."

"DOH!" Lok began to cursed in Irkanese.

"Wow...this nameless one has quite the uh...vocabulary." Zim said. "Zim shall endeavour to defeat him at a battle of words...and find out his real name."

"Zim, if you say one more word, I will toss you into a comet and see which one of you survives: your thick skull or the poor unfortunate comet." Lok glared at the shorter Irken.

Zim raised one nonexistent eye brow as he looked on in confusion. "What did Zim do slightly almighty nameless one?"

"GAH!"

Xxx

"Well, sure sucks to be those guys." Lok said as the ship sent to retrieve the nine hundred or so Pods floated away...did we mention the ship was half the size of the Para-Hunter? The entire ship, including the bridge and bath room ended up having to be stuffed full of pods; one pod even had to go in every toilet.

"Well, now we just need to get these little fellas to the Smeet Day Care Facility on Devastis." Lok looked to his dozen new children.

"Aren't you going to name them?" Tenn asked.

"Uh...don't computers do that?"

"You're defective, when do you need the Control Brains to name things for you?"

"Good point uh..." He picked up a female, purple eyed Smeet. "You will be uh...Tak Jr."

He picked up another...which had an EXTREMELY large head and blue eyes. "Hm...you have a big head...and you look like you'll be annoying in the future so...Dib Jr."

"You named a Smeet after the Almighty Zim's nemesis?" Zim shouted.

"My Smeets, so shut up!" Lok spat his tongue out at Zim, who grumbled and stomped away.

"Ok...so you..." He picked up another Smeet...and paused. "Uh...what's with the eyes?"

One eye was pink, and another was purple. It was male.

"It looks like a condition known as Heterochromia among some species." Tenn said as she stepped up next to Lok.

"Wow...kinda spooky." Lok said.

"What makes you say that?"

He pointed at the Smeet. its eyes were wide open and staring at them. Lok stood in the reflection of the purple eye while Tenn stood in the reflection of the pink eye...you don't need to be there to know the world's smallest violin was playing. They coughed awkwardly and Lok picked the smeet back up. "Your name will be uh...Tenn Jr."

After naming all dozen Smeets essentially after somebody he knew-even one after himself Lok looked at Lok Jr, Tenn Jr, Tak Jr, Dib Jr, Loe Jr, Kay Jr, Larry Jr, Red Jr, Purple Jr, Miyuki Jr, Spork Jr, and-against his better judgement, Zim Jr.

He had named the mall based off of some eerie similarities they had to their namesakes. Larry Jr's was the oddest as he had a metal eye that looked like one of the security cameras from the...

"HEY!" Lok looked at the Camera Stand and... "EW! LARRY!"

"What? I wanted one named after me too!" Larry whined.

"How did you even do that?"

"Organ Switcher, Zim loaned it to me."

"ZIM! YOU LET MY SHIP BUTCHER ONE OF MY SMEETS?"

"What? Come on, Zim may want to conquer and stuff but he would never hurt an Irken Smeet!" Zim replied. "I didn't even know what your ship wanted it for-" He paused as a flash of light surrounded his head...coming from the Organ Switcher, which was converted into a ray.

"...Larry ,what did you switch in him?" Lok asked.

"Oh you'll see..."

Inside Zim's head was...a Piggy.

Xxx

Gir, who was sitting in the Brig-where Lok had kept him after he nearly smashed a Smeet Pod, paused. His eyes turned red, and he looked around. "Who? Wha? What was that?" Gir stood up and looked at the reflective wall. "ALMIGHTY TALLEST SPLORCHAMHEIMER! THE HORROR!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!"

Xxx

BOOM!

"Uh...what's Zim's robot doing?" Tenn asked as Gir began to rampage through the ship, firing lasers and missiles.

"HEY! HE BLEW UP MY QUARTERS! MY PLAY IRKEN! NO! Loe wailed.

"How many stashes of that crap do you have?" Lok shouted.

"Plenty."

BOOM!

"I AM ZIM! I AM ZIM! I AM ZIM!-!-!-!"

"AH! CRAZY RAMPAGING ROBOT! An Irken's nightmare-wait." Lok, who was hiding behind Kay-how he stayed out of sight is unknown to this day paused. "It said he's Zim...Larry!" He growled. "You put Zim's brain in his robot?"

"Yes."

"...why?"

"Uh...I panicked?"

"Did you even think for a second that he would be worse to deal with as a SIR unit with Weapons of Mass Dooming in him?"

"Uh...no."

"I am SO goIng to have you deleted if somebody dies here! And if it's one of my Smeets then you are definitely no IDIOT because the gods will not favour you when I'm done with you!" Lok shouted.

"A PIGGY IS IN THE ALMIGHTY ZIM'S HEAD? WHAT AM I DOING IN MY ROBOT?" Zim roared. "When I find who did this I will tear them apart and eat their gooey delicious brains!" He laughed maniacally. "YES! GOOEY!"

Tak sighed and walked over to the Organ Switcher, took it from Larry's Robotic arm, and aimed it at Zim. "Oh Zim?"

"WHO DARES ADDRESS THE ALMIGHTY-ooh." Zim paused as Tak aimed the Switcher at him. "YOU SWITCHED MY-"

ZAP!

"AHHHH!-!-!-!-1-1-1-1oneoeneoneoneoneeleven!"

Xxx

Two minutes later, the Bridge was in ruins.

Zim sat up. "Wow...I had this crazy dream that I had a piggy in my head and my brain was in Gir's body."

"Uh...it was real." Lok said. "And because of you I have to try putting twelve smeets to sleep! ZIM JR YOU PUT THAT DOWN!"

Zim Jr was cackling as he fired one of Gir's disconnected arms, which had formed into a laser.

"He's an excitable little one isn't he?" Zim asked.

"MWAHAHAHAHA! I AM ZIM JR!" Zim Jr cackled.

Tak stared in horror at the Mini-Zim. "For once Zim, I agree with you."

Lok sighed. "The PA meetings will be hell for me."

"Oh relax, I'm sure that he'll calm down in a couple minutes when he gets bored with the arm!" Zim waved his hand dismissively, but paused as Zim Jr entered sight again. "Uh..where'd he get that uh..."

"ROCKET LAUNCHER!" Every Adult on the bridge shrieked.

Xxx

Their shrieks reached the ears of Dib, who looked up as he got out of an SUV.

"What was that?"

"Forget about it." Ghost Slinger got out. "Agent Mothman, welcome to Outpost DarkBooty."

"Dark Booty has an outpost named after him?" Dib asked as they left the underground parking lot...and came out onto a base filled with Swollen Eye Ball field operatives in training while regular operatives were hard at work in office buildings.

"Yep, and this base has the key to how we'll track that Lok fellow." Natty nodded. "This base is named after Dark Booty because his first mission was the only one to take place outside of our planet's atmosphere."

"Investigating the Booty of Mercury!" Dib exclaimed. "Of course! I remember now, he was the janitor at-"

"SH!" Natty covered his mouth. "No revealing social life or occupations of operatives."

"Oh, sorry...so this base has a way for us to travel through space?"

"You bet your big head." Natty grinned. "All we have to do is find Agents Worm and Gate."

"Worm and Gate?"

"Yep! Those two operatives have been at the head of our FTL engine research division for years." Natty explained as she led him across training grounds and between buildings. "Recently they put their two individual projects together. Worm was looking up ways to control the formation of a worm hole while Gate was developing a slip space 'gate way' that would allow two way travel between different points. They managed to get something working...but so far out of the ten ships used to test it, eight blew up and one...well we're still seeing where it's ended up."

"Sounds dangerous." Dib said as they passed a building where several agents were rappelling down the side, shouting 'hup!' several times every second as they went.

"It is dangerous, but they say they've worked on a new short term travel method, given the blue prints of that alien vessel you provided." Natty opened a door to the Command Center. "If I'm right, Gate is monitoring the progress of the eleventh ship deployed for testing. Worm's taking it for a spin around Saturn by now."

"Awesome! Finally I've given something to humanity that actually works!" Dib grinned as the yentered the command center.

"Hey, Gate!" Natty shouted.

"Ghost?" A young woman around Natty's age spun. She had blonde, feathered hair parted at the center at the front and was tied in a low, short braid at the back. She wore a pair of cow boy style boots, jeans, a red striped white t shirt, a lab coat, and a pair of sun glasses over her eyes that she removed to reveal a set of amber irises. "GHOST!"

The two women hugged, and after exchanging greetings Agent Gate brought the mover to the center of the room. "I got your message, and you have some good timing. Worm is on an entry approach as we speak."

Xxx

"NEVER MIND WHAT I SAID BEFORE! That kid is insane and will kill us all!" Zim shouted. "AND WHERE ARE THE ALMIGHTY ZIM'S LEGS?" He paused. "Oh there they are." He grabbed them. "Pardon me." He used his PAK legs to leave to go reattach them.

"Yeah...considering Zim said that, I am VERY frightened." Rik coughed awkwardly.

"I say we just kill it." Loe said.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FLORPING MIND!" Lok shrieked. "No Irken ever kills a Smeet, even Zim abides by the rule!"

"We thought Zim was as bad as it gets!"

"Well then, feel free to try and get to him." Lok looked to where Tak, Tenn, Kay, E, and Sierra were all around the now sleeping Zim Jr.

"Aw he is just SO cute!" Tenn squealed as she held the Smeet.

"I know!" E began to use baby talk as she looked at the Smeet.

Zim Jr yawned, and opened his big red eyes. All of the gathered Irkens squealed and began to shower him with adoration and love...which is a very odd sight for Irkens let me tell you that.

"...well now we know how Zim survived all those years of growing up." Lok said. "While unintentionally everything that came near him...he was too damn cute to hurt."

"FLORP! The dumbest idiotic Irken ever has to be the luckiest one!" Loe grumbled. "That's just not fair!"

"Its life Loe, it ain't fair." Lok said. "_God favour the IDIOTs..._and Zim."

"Zim is back! My legs are attached and I feel as good as new!" Zim walked in. "Ah, and the mighty Zim Jr sleeps." He sighed dreamily. "He will wreak many a destructive havoc filled fits for the Empire...I only hope I am VERY far when that happens."

Xxx

End of Chapter


End file.
